(Formerly) Four Under Four

Why Didn't I Think of That!?

2009-05-23T16:44:00.003-04:00

"Here's a good idea, folks! Let's put a bottle opener on the bottom of our sandals! It'll be great! We can use the shoes to protect our feet from all the nasty stuff we don't want to step in and we can always have a spare bottle opener whenever we need it!"

Honestly, I don't know who in their right mind would buy these shoes. It wouldn't be so bad if they were the same price as a regular pair of sandals or the price of a bottle opener. But they are $46.00. Forty-six dollars! In my opinion, once you wear them one time, you are going to have to invest in another bottle opener. So now you have two pairs of sandals. One that you wear, and one that you leave at home in the kitchen drawer or in the glove box to open bottles. Actually, since both sandals have a bottle opener, you could leave one in the kitchen and one in the car.

For all of you Wal-Mart regulars who still don't understand what all the fuss is about, let me explain. Think of all the stuff you walk through every day. It is very possible that you might step in some -- well, you get the picture. Do you really want all that in close proximity to your bottle?

Still, it appears that these sandals are a very hot item and I have heard that the price is worth the quality and comfort even if you don't use the bottle opener. I guess that most of the beverages served in a bottle that require opening are the kinds of beverages that may cause a person to not care if they have all kinds of "ground matter" on their bottle. Maybe that's what the developers had in mind. They should get Jimmy Buffett to be their spokesperson. He could even modify one of his hits to promote their product!

I pulled of my flip-flop
Popped off a bottle top
Took a sip, now my lips taste like grime.
And there's grass in my dentures
I don't have the answers.
Another swig and I think I'll be fine.

A New Beginning

2009-05-22T07:09:00.000-04:00

You may have noticed that this blog has a new name. Or you may not have noticed since no one has been reading this blog lately because there have not been any posts. The reason for that is the writer, editor and quality control administrator have all been very busy lately.

The writer got a night job at FedEx where, after only a couple hours of sleep, he had to rise at the crack of 11:30 pm, go to work, drive back home on deserted highways and fall back into bed at about 4:00 am in order to catch a few winks before rising again at 9:30 am. Fortunately, the editor has satisfied his urge to throw -- oops, I mean place -- boxes onto conveyor belts and turned in his resignation to FedEx recently. Four Under Four has gladly granted him his old position back.

Meanwhile, the editor decided that he wanted to fulfill a lifelong dream of going back to school. No one else on staff understood this obsession, but he was very determined. He was busy every evening working on homework or going to class in order to gain his Master's Degree in "Weblog Editing." Thankfully, he graduated with most highest honors last month. He can now devote his attentions to editing this blog (and providing a much higher level quality).

In stark contrast to the hard working members of this organization, the quality control administrator (QCA) has simply been goofing off. He has a full-time day job and four kids at home, but otherwise, he is just plain lazy! Since the other members of the staff are going to be fulfilling their duties once again, the QCA has agreed to buckle down, learn some discipline and get back to work on blogging.

Along with a new beginning comes a new name. The family that this blog features has been growing up and they are not four under four anymore. The staff kicked around several ideas before settling on a simple solution to the problem. Some of the suggestions were:

Four Within Four - Nope, too bland.

Four For Fighting - We definitely don't want to encourage that!

Fortunate Files - Yeah right! That sounds like a '70s detective TV show.

The Weblog Formerly Known as Four Under Four - Ummm, too wordy?

Finally, (Formerly) Four Under Four was decided upon as the best reflection of the family's current state. Besides, now the PR department doesn't have to print up new brochures and golf balls. They can simply add the word "(Formerly)" to the beginning and they won't have to give all their old promotional materials to Goodwill.

The staff sincerely apologizes for any mental distress it may have caused as a result of its long hiatus. It is our sincere hope that we can continue to bring you the latest family news and humor and help to make your day a little brighter.

"Don't Panic" ... Please?

2009-05-20T16:48:00.005-04:00

This blurb was found in the Indianapolis Star today.

DON'T PANIC
Helicopter photo-op today

If you see a low-flying helicopter overhead today in Bloomington or Indianapolis, don't panic. It's only photographers taking pictures of the Indiana University and IUPUI campuses for a university project. A similar type of photo-op caused hysteria in New York City last month, and university officials want to avoid that kind of public reaction.

Indianapolis Star, 20 May 2009, pg. A19

This made me laugh out loud. The "similar type of photo-op" that the article refers to the April 27 incident in which the Obama administration was trying to snap a photo of Air Force One with the Statue of Liberty in the background. Allegedly, no one thought to warn even the mayor of New York that a large jet was going to fly closer to the city than any plane has flown since September 11, 2001. There is a whole story behind that debacle, but that is not why this paragraph caught my attention.

What I found so funny was the fact that the "university officials" and apparently the editors at the Star thought that a helicopter hovering over a metro area may induce the same feelings of panic as the Obama photo-op. If you have ever lived in or around a metro area, you know that TV stations, law enforcement, and even medical facilities are constantly using helicopters to keep the public safe and informed. Seeing a helicopter hovering over a highly populated area is not an event that incites panic.

On the other hand, seeing a Boeing VC-25 (about the same size as a 747) swoop down within stone-skipping distance of Manhattan Island to chat with Lady Liberty could cause some New Yorkers to have some flashbacks. Indeed it did. People ran out of buildings. Evacuation orders were given. Fingers pointed to the sky. Business people bolted from their desks.

If you ask me, a helicopter hovering over a university campus just doesn't have the same effect.

A Couple of Roses

2009-04-11T12:00:00.003-04:00

Many of FourUnderFour's readers have been becoming more and more anxious about the well being of our family and more importantly of my motivation to sit down and put a few thoughts together for a blog. I have received more than one "panicky" comment about when the next post can be expected. Well, here it is - as well as a few excuses of why I have dropped off the face of the blogging universe for the last six months.

As some of you may have known, I have been pursuing a Master's Degree from Indiana Wesleyan University. My core classes started at the end of September. This was the specialization part of the program and we had no breaks in between classes as we had had in the past. So I began spending a lot more of my time doing homework.

When I started the program, I thought that my employer was going to allow me to participate in their Tuition Reimbursement Program. I won't bore you with the details, but it didn't work out. So, I found myself in a position that I was going to either have to drop out of the program halfway through, or find another source of income to pay for the rest of the tuition.

It was for this reason that on November 3, 2008, I became a part-time employee at FedEx. After taking the job, I was pleased to learn that FedEx also offered a tuition reimbursement program that would essentially pay for almost all of the last three of my classes. So, there I was, working a full time job during the day as well as four nights a week from midnight to 3:00 or 4:00 am, going to class once a week and doing lots of homework besides. I hope that you understand why I haven't been blogging.

The good news is that I finished my last class on March 25! I plan on graduating on April 25, 2009 at the Indiana Wesleyan University Campus in Marion, Indiana. I would like to thank God for helping me through this busy time. He has answered many prayers along the way including bringing just the right job my way to pay for the rest of my classes. There are also a couple of people that I would like to thank - a few roses to pass out, if you will. Without these people, it would have been impossible for me to complete my degree.

The first rose goes to my wonderful wife, Kristen. As you can imagine, most of my time recently has been spent away from home at work or class. The times that I have been home have been spent working on homework. Kristen has been patient and supportive during this time. She has taken care of the children, completed some of the projects around the house that I know she would rather have me do and spent many sleepless nights alone while I was at FedEx. All this she has done without complaining. She has gone above and beyond the call of duty as a wife and mother. For instance, many times while I sat at the computer working on homework she would come in and give me a shoulder rub, even though she had been working around the house all day and probably needed one more than I did. Thank you so much, Kristen, for all your love and support. I would truly be lost without you.

There are two other very important people in my life that have played an important role over the last couple of years. The second rose goes to my mom and dad. They have offered encouragement and support through this very busy time. They convinced me to stick to it when I was considering dropping out. They even sacrificed personally to send me some money to help me pay for classes. Thanks Mom and Dad for everything.

In other news, our house is on the market (again) and we are trying to sell it so that we can move to Florida. Unfortunately, the housing market is very slow right now. I have begun the process of obtaining my Florida Contractor's License for heating and air conditioning. I hope to be able to start an HVAC company this year.

Also, in February, my former employer, Enterprise Electrical and Mechanical, became so slow that I was only getting about 20 hours a week. In another answer to prayer, God brought along another opportunity for full time employment that sufficiently meets our financial needs right now. So, I am now working for a small company called Filtration Engineering and Service.

If you are tired of hearing excuses, you may skip this paragraph, but I do have one more. One of the great advantages of being an employee at FedEx is access to their great insurance benefits. So Kristen and I have taken advantage of this by having several elective medical procedures performed recently (wisdom teeth extractions, varicose vein lasering, etc.).

So that's what I have been doing for the last 5 months instead of blogging. I hope to get back to writing in a few weeks when I quit FedEx. Thank you all for your patience.

Four Under Four's Fall Family Fun (Act III)

2008-10-15T19:00:00.001-04:00

Act III - The Great Pumpkin

We made our way to the pumpkin patch (about a half of a mile away).

Excitement was high as everyone selected a pumpkin to set on their front porch.

Most of the pumpkin seekers selected a gourd that they (or their daddies) could carry back to the car (another half of a mile).

However, Kyle, being at that tender age where everything turns into a rite of passage, selected the biggest pumpkin in the patch - "The Great Pumpkin."

We all told him that he would never be able to carry it back to the car. But he insisted. (His mother insisted that she was not paying for a pumpkin that size.) As the sun grew hotter and the road grew longer the great pumpkin grew heavier.

Finally, at another pumpkin patch about a third of the way back to the car, Kyle exchanged his great pumpkin for a smaller, more manageable one. In the immortal words of Charlie Brown, "Well, don’t take it too hard, Linus. I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life too."

Four Under Four's Fall Family Fun (Act II)

2008-10-14T19:00:00.002-04:00

Act II - The "Cool Bus" and the Goats

Cousin Shelby (middle) doesn't think the bus is very cool.

Jordan pet the goats...

And Jennae kissed them!

Four under Four's Fall Family Fun (in three acts)

2008-10-13T19:00:00.000-04:00

Four Under Four was recently invited to a home schoolers field trip to an apple orchard in southern Indiana. The following are some pictures of the day. Tune in later on in the week for acts II and III.

Act I - Apple Picking Time

"Who wants to pick apples?"

Jordan chooses a nice Golden Delicious.

Jennae prefers Jonagold.

Joelle doesn't care what kind it is as long as she can sink her five teeth into it!

Terminal Lunacy

2008-08-09T16:44:00.001-04:00

Recently our family took a trip to Florida for a vacation. My wife and I decided together that it would be easier to fly than to spend 16 hours driving. Our logic was that we would be more rested when we got there and the kids would enjoy it more. We failed to take into consideration several factors, including the task of maintaining our sanity while trying to also preserve the sanity of other travelers.

Our first mistake was booking the earliest flight available. We flew out at 7:05 am which meant we had to be at the airport at 5:30 am which meant we had to get the kids up at 4:30 am. The babies were fine as soon as we gave them bottles. When we tried to wake the older kids, however, they suggested that we go to Florida some other time. The suggestion of packing them in the luggage so they could sleep all the way to Florida finally got them up and in the car.

As soon as we arrived at the airport I noticed a lot of curious stares and raised eyebrows as we made our way to the terminal. I guess we must have looked a little odd. The older two had on their backpacks filled with diapers, Goldfish snacks, stickers, fruit snacks, sippy cups and other various snacks. In the unlikely event of an emergency landing, we would be prepared to tough it out in the wilderness for a couple of days. The babies bounced along happily on Mommy and Daddy's hips. Mommy also carried a small purse and a huge diaper bag containing more diapers. (The last thing you want to do on a crowded airplane is run out of diapers.) Daddy carried a laptop and a saxophone. (The next to the last thing you want to do on an airplane is let those crazy luggage handlers throw something fragile underneath an Embraer 170.)

It was sometime shortly after we arrived that I realized we had made another mistake. We had put sandals on our babies. Our twins hold the first and second place records for the slipperiest feet in the state of Indiana. I think it would be easier to keep marbles between their toes than to keep shoes on their feet. Every 5 yards or so Jordan would stop and yell, "Mommy! Julianne's shoe!" (More curious stares)

Finally, I had had enough. I tightened the strap on the sandals as tight as I could without turning the babies' feet purple. I would have used some silicone caulking but none of the airport shops sold it. I had just decided that the problem was solved when we arrived at the security checkpoint.

"All shoes must come off!" barked one of the TSA agents. "Here," she said, looking at me and pointing to an empty line, "You can go right here."

I saw everyone in the line behind us start to fight their way into other lines.

"Do I have to take the babies' shoes off? I asked pointing at her purple feet.

"All shoes must come off," she said again with a twinge of sympathy in her voice.

After getting undressed and walking through the metal detector and getting dressed again, we made our way to the gate. On our way, we stopped fourteen more times to pick up shoes. (More raised eyebrows) Fortunately, we did have the foresight to see that hurrying through the airport with four children would be disaster and thus had decided to give ourselves lots of extra time. However, we overlooked the fact that since we arrived an hour early, the children had more time to get Cheerios and apple juice on every surface that was near us.

We found our gate and sat down and got comfortable to wait for them to call our boarding zone. The children took off their backpacks, we set down our luggage and the babies started to walk around the airport furniture half bare-footed. Eventually, we were so spread out that we looked like the children of Israel camping in the desert. However, with half of our tribe in diapers, the brume that followed us was not the pillar of cloud by day.

The children had not had breakfast so I spent $4.95 on a poppy seed muffin for all of us to share. We drew more curious stares as we tore off little chunks of muffin to feed to our starving children. It was like manna from heaven to them. Presently our zone was called to board. We gathered up all the shoes and made our way to the line. I looked back at the place where we had been camped out. All those poppy seed muffin crumbs indeed looked like manna covering the terminal floor. With all the extra charges airlines are adding on these days, I was afraid they were going to charge us for the extra janitor they had to hire to clean up after us.

The rest of the trip was relatively uneventful. I was beginning to think that flying wasn't so bad after all. Then, as we hurried to our connecting gate, I looked down and all four of the babies' shoes were missing. I was just about to turn around and look for them when my wife told me she had taken them off and put them in the already bulging diaper bag.

"'Bout time," I thought.

Lessons Learned

2008-08-05T16:44:00.002-04:00

Since my last blog about weddings, I have twice more been dragged, kicking and screaming to the church to witness the joining of two more happy couples. Two more dates have been stricken off of my list. Two more of my relatives have pledged their lives to a man in a rented tuxedo and tight shoes. Weddings three and four are history. I do not begrudge my time spent in the church for these happy, sweaty occasions, however, because I have learned many things.

1. I will never embarrass my children by showing a huge crowd of people a slide show that includes a picture of them in the bathtub when they were two (or when they were any other age for that matter). I'm not sure who contributes these pictures but sometimes I wonder if it is not an old friend with a long-standing vendetta.

2. It doesn't matter how cool the church is before the wedding, it is always too hot during the wedding. The same goes for the reception hall. I was in the church before the most recent wedding and it was so cold I had to warm my hands over the candles before playing my saxophone. The photographer didn't get any good pictures beforehand because you could see everyone's breath. But as soon as the prelude started, the temperature jumped 30 degrees. Then, while the wedding party was on stage, the lighting technicians turned on their huge spotlights which only served to accentuate everyone's sweat lines. I could feel beads of sweat running down my back as they sang "God Causes All Things to Grow." I imagined everyone else except the bride and groom was as miserable as I. The groom must have been perspiring too but he was too lost in the moment to notice. As you can imagine, a sweaty groom is not a good thing.

3. The bride and groom do a really fine job of making the bridesmaids and groomsmen comfortable the day of the wedding. We had our own little room to change in, all the food we could eat and ice-cold bottled water (I should have taken some to the ceremony with me). We all even received a nice gift for our participation. Maybe being in a wedding isn't so bad after all.

4. Children in a wedding add elements of cuteness and chaos. We had a lot of children in the last wedding and the pianist played "My Favorite Things" as they tromped down the aisle. Indeed, once they got onto the platform, we looked like the Von Trapp Family Singers. We had one child who would not stand but rather laid on her belly until she was sent to sit with the spectators, another who would alternate between sitting, standing and removing the wedgie he got while sitting, and one who had to use the bathroom so badly that he made quite a scene until a sympathic spectator came onto the blazing hot platform (remember the spotlights) and took him to the necessary place. The only thing that could have gone worse would have been if he hadn't made it in time. Two of the above spectacle-makers were from one family. I won't mention their names here, but their last name rhymes with golden.

5. You are not supposed to throw bells at the bride and groom. I actually learned this shortly after my second wedding when I got a bill from Columbus Regional Medical Center for an emergency room visit. It seems the great aunt of the groom was standing right behind him and his bride when I tossed my bell at them. My aim isn't very good. She needed six stitches in the eyebrow. Apparently the bells were just for making noise.

6. It's hard to get rose petals to make noise. At this last wedding, we received neither bells nor birdseed. The attendants handed out little handfuls of rose petals. I was afraid to throw anything after the bell incident so I did my best to make some kind of noise with the petals. The only way I knew to do this was to cup my hands over one another and shake the petals as hard as I could. I could feel the beads of perspiration starting to form again. Unfortunately, the only real noise I heard was giggling, and it wasn't coming from the rose petals.

7. I'm glad summer is almost over.

Nameless Creek?

2008-07-29T04:44:00.001-04:00

As I was driving through Hancock County on the rather boring I-70 corridor, I saw a sign that I thought was interesting. It a standard highway information sign, green with reflective lettering and it was positioned adjacent to a small overpass. It read, "Nameless Creek." I know that I must have a some sort of short circuit in my brain to even have noticed this, but I thought to myself, "Is it really a nameless creek if everybody calls it 'Nameless Creek'?" I think not. It does have name and its name is "Nameless". If it was truly a nameless creek, it should be referred to as "that creek that doesn't have a name" or "that creek that runs under I-70 at mile marker 110. Maybe the Department of Transportation didn't have a sign that long.

Harleys and Hondas

2008-07-28T04:44:00.000-04:00

I saw something recently that caught my attention. As I sat in traffic, I glanced over an saw a fat, shirtless man on a motorcycle waiting at a red light. This, in itself was not all that interesting, at least not to me. However, the tattoo that was on his back was very unique. I do not consider myself a connoisseur of tattoos, nor do I usually make a practice of noticing them. But I had never seen one like this and I paused to take note. It was a large Harley-Davidson logo just below his neck. What was even more interesting was the name on his motorcycle...Honda.

Two Down, Four to Go

2008-07-13T17:29:00.006-04:00

Weddings are fine, and I'm glad that people have them, but I'm not glad that I have six to attend this summer. If you are reading this and I am attending your wedding this summer, please understand that I'm not complaining about attending your wedding, I'm complaining about attending your wedding and five others. If you are reading this and I am not attending your wedding this summer, please understand that if you schedule one, I will complain about attending yours.

I think I speak for all men is saying that attending weddings is not their favorite thing to do. They would rather go shopping with their wives or go to a Tupperware party or fix a sink drain than go to a wedding. There is just nothing at a wedding that appeals to manlihood. But that's okay. We go to weddings with our wives to show them how much we love them, right guys? Right.

This past weekend, I attended my second wedding of the summer and I noticed that weddings have changed a lot in the past few years since I got married. One of the first things I noticed was the excessive number of attendants. It seems like each wedding I attend has more and more attendants. In this past wedding, I was among the group of "these witnesses" along with a crowd of others. Besides myself, there were five other groomsmen and a best man. We had so many people coming down the aisle that we all had to run just to keep the wedding from running into two hours. This is an alarming trend that, if it continued, will eventually result in having more people in the wedding party than in the crowd.

The next largest wedding party that I have seen was my own. We had six attendants each and three junior bridesmaids. However, this was partially due to the fact that my wife-to-be had seven sisters. I don't know of very many other families that size, but I know that there are lots of other wedding parties that size. It seems like the criteria of selection for an attendant in a wedding party has changed drastically. You don't have to be a close friend to the bride (who usually has the last say in how many are in the wedding party), you just have to be an acquaintance who will be "hurt" if you are not asked.

Another thing I have noticed about weddings lately is the evolution of the time-honored tradition of throwing rice. Years ago, it became popular to throw birdseed instead of rice. Supposedly this was because birds could choke on rice and die. I never really understood this. In the first place, when is the last time you saw a bird trying to eat dried rice? Secondly, if we continue to encourage the avian menaces to attend weddings just to get a free meal (not unlike some people I know), soon we will be overrun with birds. Alfred Hitchcock will be celebrated as a prophet.

At this latest wedding however, we didn't get rice or birdseed to throw, we got tiny, little bells. My first thought was, "Man, these are going to hurt!" I determined that since the bride and groom had been so nice to me that I would just toss mine gently and aim for some area besides the head. After all, they were providing a free meal after the ceremony and a snack prior.

As the happy couple approached the limousine, I cringed as I envisioned dozens of guests hurling their bells at them. To my surprise, all the guests started to ring their bells. So that was what you were supposed to do with them. I was incensed! After an hour of standing on a very narrow step in the front of the church trying not to lock my knees and sweating through my $134 rental tuxedo, I wanted something to throw. I didn't really want to hurt anyone, I just thought if I could throw something, I could relieve a little bit of my pent up stress. After four more weddings, I'm going to have to throw a real bell of Liberty proportions in order to relieve my stress.

Sunday, Chocolate, Strollers, and Huggies

2008-07-06T21:23:00.008-04:00

I just had to laugh...

2008-07-06T20:51:00.002-04:00

My two-year-old daughter, Jennae, loves fresh fruit. She has developed this trait in response to my wife's consistency in providing it to her (and her siblings) at mealtimes. Sometimes we even have trouble getting her to eat the other things that are prepared for her.

Such was the case today. The menu consisted of roast beef and cheese sandwiches and cantaloupe. Jennae finished her first serving of cantaloupe in short order and asked for more. She was told that she could have more as soon as she finished her sandwich. After a few minutes of whining and nibbling, she asked again for some more cantaloupe. Again, we told her that she must finish the sandwich first.

As I was engrossed in my newspaper, I wasn't paying attention to my daughter's actions. All at once she came bursting into the family room (which adjoins our kitchen) and said, "I ate my sandwich! I want some more cantaloupe!"

I was suspicious. First of all, she usually asks me for more while she is still chewing whatever it was she had to finish. This was not the case. If it had been, I would have heard something like this, "Au ot mmf sumwish! Au won sum mo canalof!" The other reason I was suspicious, I cannot explain. I only know that it comes from more than four years of parenting. I think God gives parents a sensibility to know when their offspring are trying to pull one over on them.

"Did you eat all your sandwich?" I asked asI walked over to the trash can under the kitchen sink, eager to give her another chance to tell the truth.

"Yes." she said as I pulled the trash can out. I started picking through it searching for the remnant that I knew I would find.

Jennae was still in the family room and I heard her say, "It's not in there, Daddy. It's in the sink!" I looked in the sink and sure enough, there were two small wadded-up crusts of bread. I just had to laugh.

Snow White and the Socialists

2008-06-10T11:24:00.008-04:00

Japanese schoolchildren are being introduced to socialism at a very young age and in an unusual manner. It seems that in a recent school play, every child wanted to play the role of the pirouetting princess, Snow White. Or rather, every child's parent wanted them to play the role.

With an attitude akin to the wicked step-mother Queen, they bugged, bullied and bothered school officials until they were forced to address the issue. The solution - twenty-five Snow Whites. No one played the role of the seven dwarfs or the wicked step-mother, or the hunter, or the charming prince. Read the whole story here.

This, my friends, is socialism at its finest. Capitalism thrives on equal opportunity, but this is an example of not equal opportunity, but equal reward. There certainly is one child who plays the role of Snow White the best. Capitalism says that everyone should get to try out for the part. However, she (or he, for the sake of being politically correct) who has the darkest hair, fairest skin and tappiest toes should play the role. Socialism says that everyone is treated the same regardless of their abilities or attributes.

What is going to happen to these children if they embrace this socialistic worldview, when they enter the workforce? They are going to be severely disappointed when they discover that they don't get a promotion when their co-worker does. Not getting everything you want is a part of life. These parents are so short-sighted, only caring about whether their child gets the lead role in a school play. If everyone plays the same role, is there a lead role? I think not.

By the same token, a society based on socialistic principles will remove all incentive for achievement. Economics is about incentives. Remove the incentive, and we will become a classless society where everyone receives the same reward regardless of their abilities or performance. At least the parents with kids in school plays will be happy.

Have you heard?

2008-05-29T19:00:00.002-04:00

The toilet is broken on the International Space Station.

NASA is working on the problem, but until it is fixed they have asked the astronauts to "boldly go where no man has gone before."

Random Pictures (that everyone has been "nagging" for)

2008-05-18T16:44:00.002-04:00

"Her Children Arise Up"

2008-05-11T04:44:00.001-04:00

Last year on Mother's Day I honored the mother of my children. This year I decided to honor my own mother. I've taken the verses from Proverbs 31 and modified them (slightly) to show what a wonderful mother I have.

She seeketh baskets, and ziplocs, and and all manner of organizational materials to keep her house in order.

She is like the Schwanns truck; she bringeth her food from the grocery store.

She riseth also when the alarm clock goes off, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to anyone who is hungry that knocketh on the door.

She considereth a grill, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she grilleth all manner of sumptuous food for her family.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and giveth horsey rides to her grandchildren.

She perceiveth that her ironing is good: her dishwasher goeth not off by night.

She layeth her hands to the hot glue gun, and her hands hold the Velcro.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor children of Romania; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household liveth in a warm climate.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is always ironed.

Her husband is known in the community, when he sitteth among the elders of the church.

She taketh care of her linen, and bleacheth it when need be; and delivereth flawed garments back unto the merchant from whence she received them.

Classy and elegant are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come when she can purchase more.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law that must be obeyed.

She looketh well to the ways of her refrigerator, and eateth not bananas or applesause.

Her children arise up, and call her Mom; her husband also calleth her Sweetheart, and he praiseth her.

Advertising "Genius" - Hair Transplants

2008-05-09T04:44:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder about the marketing divisions of some companies. Their advertisements don't make sense. For instance, I heard an advertisement on the radio for hair transplants for men. One of the claims that this company made was that their procedure produced "natural and undetectable results."

Wait a minute. Wouldn't you want people to detect that you have had hair transplant surgery? Imagine spending $2,500 (the minimum charge) to put someone else's hairs into your scalp only to realize when you woke up that the results were undetectable! I think this company should use some of their profits (at the rate of $1/hair they have to be high) to hire a new marketing manager.

View the company's website (and their outrageous claim) here.

Great News

2008-05-08T16:44:00.002-04:00

Sporatic bloggers such as myself will rejoice in the new feature offered by Blogger. You can now schedule your posts to appear automatically on your blog at a later date and time. This is perfect for me since I'm only in a bloggy mood every once in a while. Now I can write several posts at one time and space them out for a week or two. Yay!

Wake Up People! - Taxes

2008-05-06T21:40:00.000-04:00

Many Americans have just recently filed their taxes and have uttered a shout of joy as they realize that not only do they have no tax burden, they are entitled to a refund! It's like getting free money! I'm not talking about the economic stimulus package, but a refund on Federal taxes. Some taxpayers may have even filled out their W-4 form in such a way that they withheld too much tax to ensure they get a refund. They are using the IRS as a savings account!

Wake up, people! Don't let the IRS use your money interest free. The Internal Revenue Service is not a savings account. You should be gaining interest on that money. And yet, the reason that people do it this way is because they are undisciplined. It's easier if you never "see" the money to have someone else save your money for you than it is to actually have the money in your possession and still tuck it away for later. Talk to a tax professional or make sure that you update your W-4 form regularly to avoid getting a refund at the end of the year.

Recession? What recession?

2008-04-30T21:16:00.007-04:00

Well folks, I hate to say "I told you so" but I told you so. Back in February, I wrote a post about how I thought that the economy was not in a recession like the political "figgerheads" and the "drive-bys" wanted us to believe. Wednesday the commerce department released a report that showed that the economy grew by 0.6%! Of course, this is painfully slow growth, but growth none the less.

Please understand me - I know our economy is very sluggish right now and I am just as irritated at the rising price of gas and food and anything else you have to pay money for as the next guy. Besides, that has more to do with inflation than GDP. In any case, I am convinced that if people had no access to election year propaganda neither were subject to media induced panic, that the growth rate of the economy would increase even more. It already surpassed expectations.

Here is the good news; it will get better. These things are cyclical, as is the case with almost anything. Patience, discipline and hard work on a personal level will help each of us to weather the storm.

April Fool!

2008-04-29T20:57:00.000-04:00

I'm sure all of you loyal readers have been wondering where I have been for the last month. You have been aching for my insight. You have been pining for my perspective. Well, the truth is that I have been implementing a month-long April Fool joke!

You will notice that my last post was March 30. I was going to not post again until May but my impatience got the best of me. How many times have you, loyal reader, signed onto FourUnderFour only to be disappointed by the same old play dough picture at the top? April fool! I just wish I could see all of your faces now that you realized that I have been planning this moment for months!

Actually, I just thought of this today but it's the best excuse I could come up with for ignoring my blog for so long. I apologize for the apparent lack of concern for my readers' need for enlightenment. Anyway, after almost one year of furious blogging, I think this hiatus was well-deserved. I will endeavor to not disappoint my readers again.

House CRUNCH

2008-04-29T20:30:00.003-04:00

Everyone is worrying about the housing market crisis and how it is going to affect them. I feel a particular immunity to this panic because I'm used to the prospect of my property value going down. A few short weeks after my firstborn came kicking and screaming into this world, I noticed that my pristine home was showing signs of age. Now that it is at the mercy of two toddlers and two babies, my house is ready for AARP.

One reason for this "home wear and tear" is the inability of babies to control bodily functions. I shouldn't have been surprised when my wife asked me to stop on the way home from work and pick up a carpet cleaner.

"Again?" I said, "We just rented one six months ago."

Then I remembered. Our living room floor looked like an atlas because of all the spit-up stains. Our once-lovely Berber was covered with provincial-shaped stains that were 4 or 5 shades lighter than the rest of the carpet. Most of them smelled like Efamil. I had even been considering teaching our four-year-old to identify world capitals on the living room floor.

"Costa Rica!" I would shout.

"San Jose!" he would shout back, jumping to the appropriate place on the floor.

"Turkey!"

"Ankara!" he would say, leaping in front of the fireplace.

"Romania!"

"Bucharest!"

"Iceland!" I would shout. A confused look might cross his face. "She just made it right there," I'd say, pointing to the baby.

"Oh...Reykjavik!" he'd say, jumping too close to the baby and scaring her so badly she would produce another Greenland-sized blotch. And so it would go, like a ping pong match. Our athletic, intelligent son leaping around the living room from stain to stain shouting out capitals while his baby sisters redrew the borders of Europe.

I think it's our athletic, intelligent son who is responsible for some of the other depreciation of our house. This includes, but is not limited to: dents in the drywall, stains on the ceiling and prints on the piano.

I remember one incident in particular in which we discovered that the drywall in our kitchen ceiling was somewhat waterproof. We knew this because the majority of the water came through the light fixture above the island. Jordan had been washing his hands in the bathroom sink upstairs. He hadn't quite mastered the technique of rinsing all the soap off of his hands. It was for this reason that his hands were still slippery when he was done. This led to his inability to turn off the water.

Now all of the events up to this point are not necessarily a recipe for disaster. The water will go down the drain as it normally does and the only ill effect is that Daddy notices a few extra dollars on the water bill. However, one more ingredient was added and the calamity cake was ready to put into the oven. One yellow washcloth, left in the bottom of the sink slowed the flow of water down the drain and began to fill up the sink.

I was sitting at my computer, happily blogging, and my wife was playing the piano when I saw a look of horror cross her face. She stopped playing right in the middle of "There is a Fountain" and stared in awe at the fountain running through our kitchen. I don't know how long the water ran out of the sink, but judging by the amount of water on the bathroom floor, it must have been quite a while.

Needless to say, washcloths have been banned in our upstairs bathroom. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle trying to keep up with the repairs that need to be done to the house. There are four house depreciators and only one of me. My next project is laying tile on the living room floor. I'm thinking of a design and color that will hide the most accidents - maybe a brown background with streaks of fruit punch red and flecks of "regerbertated" yellow.

Dear Reader, I just wanted to give a disclaimer here and tell you that Kristen is a very good housekeeper. I am always proud of the way our home looks (and smells). As I do with all of my humor pieces, I have used hyperboles here in an effort to bring you the highest level of quality entertainment. Thank you for your support.

4F Night - Homemade Playdough

2008-03-30T21:07:00.008-04:00

These are the ingredients for a fun-filled family night. The two very large items in the background with big smiles are the most important and cannot be purchased at the local grocery store like the other items. When the other items are mixed together in the proper way, you can make something very much like play dough. You can find the whole recipe at Just Thinking.

The first thing that Daddy and Jordan made were some hats. (You may have to use your imagination to realize that Daddy's isn't a blond toupee.)

Making play dough makes Daddy hungry, so he made a little snack.

Mommy built a house. She was definitely over budget on the roof. She even had to break a cardinal rule of play dough houses and use toothpicks to support the roof. Notice the adorable little landscaping in the front.

Jordan decided to add a little "trim" to his house. Get it? TRIM...

Just as Mommy got her roof perfected, a big yellow tornado (Daddy's idea) appeared and threatened to wipe out her twenty minutes worth of hard work.

If you compare this picture of Jennae to the one closer to the beginning of the post you will notice that Jennae's play dough looks about the same as when she started. That's because she managed to make...well, not much of anything. But by the smile on her face, you can tell that she is having fun anyway; and that's what is most important.

Easter Sunday Pictures

2008-03-25T20:55:00.007-04:00

Jordan was very excited about his first tie.

Special thanks to DeDe and Pappy Holden for the Easter baskets and and the Easter outfits!

Even the twins got Easter baskets and outfits.

And then, after church, there was the annual Easter dinner and egg hunt at Grandma and Grandpa Knuth's house.

Kyle and David on the dirt bike.

Doug - What a hunk!

Kelli pilfering through the candy that has not been "hidden" yet.

Scott and Jennae

"Look, Daddy! I got two of thems!"

4F Night - Easter Eggs

2008-03-25T20:26:00.004-04:00

This week FourUnderFour decided to paint Easter eggs for 4F Night. So Daddy went to Wal-mart and waded through all the motorized carts to the "seasonal aisle" and bought several varieties of dye kits. When he got home, they boiled 11 eggs and jumped in. By the time it was all said and done, there were only 8 that weren't cracked or broken. But, that's part of the fun, isn't it?

Daddy decided to put down newspaper because he knows what can happen with ten little fingers and Easter egg dye.

The forlorn look on Jennae's face is due to the fact that her brother won't let her help with his eggs.

The best part - eating!

4F Night - "Free Night" at the Children's Museum

2008-03-20T19:57:00.000-04:00

I would like to apologize to my readers for the tardy nature of the following post. It is about two weeks old. Google was having a problem and wouldn't let me upload pictures. I hope it is worth the wait.

The first Thursday evening of every month features free admission at the Indianapolis Children's Museum. "Free night" is in quotation marks because the food isn't free. (Remember, "There ain't no free lunch.") Since family night was on Thursday this week, 4F doesn't stand for FourUnderFour's Friday Family Fun. Instead, 4F stands for Five Friends Failing to Fraternize. Some of you are not going to get that, but it's okay. Anyway, here are the pictures...

This is the outside of the museum featuring the dinosaur exhibit and the streetlight pole that the museum owners put right in the way of any good pictures to protect their trademark.

Jordan and Julianne. We forgot to bring formula, so Julianne is munching on her shoe.

Jennae, Joelle, and Jordan

Julianne also got a rattle for dessert.

The new exhibit at the Museum was Curious George. I though this might be the only time Jennae might get to pose with a presidential candidate look-alike (for all you Rush Limbaugh listeners).

Yes, it's a real race car.

It took Jennae a good 20 minutes to figure out why she couldn't get her bucket full of sand.

I'm a little worried about our son. This is one of the "play" areas in the Playscape. As you can see, it's a mess. This is expected by the staff at the Museum and they pay some poor old lady to run around and pick things up.

Jordan must have felt sorry for her, because he started doing his own organizing and picking up. He even got upset at one boy who came by and actually tried to build a house!

This is what was left after our obsessive-compulsive son got done. I think there is still hope for him, though.(Notice the little pile of stuff he neglected to pick up.)

Meanwhile, back at the sandbox, Jennae finally found a container to hold all her sand.

If I could only get Jordan to act like this all the time, we might be able to get a handicapped parking spot and not have to walk so far.

Quote of the Day

2008-03-05T15:17:00.002-05:00

“With in vitro, you can really control — or so we thought — how many babies came out by putting so many embryos in,” ~Alison Penn, mother of identical triplets born as a result of in vitro fertilization.

God is in control. No matter what kind of technology we posses or what kind of medical "miracles" we can perform, God is in control. The above quote comes from a mother who thought that she could control how many children she had. She and her husband chose in vitro fertilization instead of fertility treatments because they were afraid that fertility treatments would result in multiple births. They only "wanted" one baby for now, but God had bigger plans for the Penn family. The implanted embryo split to form twin embryos, then one split again to form identical triplets.

We live in a generation of ignorant people who think they can control events that are ultimately directed by the Creator of the universe. How have we arrived at this point where a married couple can pretend to choose how many children they have in a single pregnancy? Where will our pretense of sovereign power end?

Many people do not realize the full implications of in vitro fertilization. The phase "in vitro" is Latin for "within the glass." Scientists remove eggs from the woman's body, place them in a petri dish and fertilize them with sperm that has been removed from the father's body. One of the resulting embryos are then implanted into a woman's uterus, not necessarily the egg donor's.

Most conservative Christians believe that life begins at conception. Some of these same Christians advocate the use of in vitro fertilization. In doing so, they (perhaps unknowingly) also advocate abortion. Since the scientific method of in vitro fertilization is not nearly as efficient as the natural method of conception, scientists have to fertilize many eggs to be sure to get one healthy embryo. The remaining embryos, which are now living human beings, are either discarded or frozen for later use.

It is estimated that the chances of having identical triplets from in vitro fertilization is a staggering 200 million to one. However, God saw it as his plan from the beginning of time for Tom and Alison Penn. This story is more evidence of how weak and insignificant our knowledge and power is in comparison to God's.

Read the whole story here.

Time Wasted

2008-03-02T20:01:00.000-05:00

I like to putter. I usually putter on Saturdays and weeknights. If you don't know what puttering is, it is when you drive around town, back and forth to Home Depot, doing little projects at your house or your mother-in-law's house or someone else's house. Sometimes you get paid for puttering, sometimes you don't; like the time my son dumped nail polish on my mother-in-law's brand new carpet and I had to figure out a way to replace a little section of it. Anyway, I putter so much that I have been considering buying a van to putter in. So far, this has been an exercise in futility.

I found a van in the Indiana Auto and RV publication that I thought was putter-worthy. It was listed for $3,125. It had 148,000 miles on it. I called the guy. His name was Larry and he sounded like a pretty decent fellow. He said that the windshield was cracked but otherwise it was a good van. He seemed very motivated to sell the van, saying that he had bought a new one to putter in. Sensing a kindred spirit, I swallowed hook, line, and sinker. I offered $3,000 cash. He accepted and I told him I would be there Saturday at 4:00.

We packed all the kids up in the car and headed off in high spirits. Larry lived two hours and fifteen minutes away so we knew that we were going to make a day of it. As we drove through the little Indiana towns, some no more than fly spit on the map, I began to have a feeling akin to loneliness creep over me. It could have had been that my mood was simply matching the weather, which had started out with a promise of spring but had turned cold and windy again. Or perhaps I was just sympathizing with the poor folks that lived in these fly spit towns.

"Look," I said as we approached one such town, "This is Normal, Indiana."

"Where?" asked my wife, looking up from Pride and Prejudice.

"Oh, never mind," I said looking in my rear view mirror at the fading town. "It wasn't even a wide spot in the road. In fact, I'm pretty sure the road narrowed slightly. I wonder how many people who live there are actually normal."

This statement threw me directly into the path of an oncoming train of thought that questioned what it really meant to be normal. My mood deepened. As we arrived in Wabash I was still trying to figure out who or what defined what was normal. It definitely wasn't the Wabashians. The whole town looked like it was being taken care of by group of eighty-year-olds from the local Moose Lodge. Most of the building were run down. All of the fire escapes were rusted out and it appeared to be more dangerous to try to "escape" on one of them than to actually be engulfed in flames. A huge, rickety water tower at the center of town overshadowed everything else. Most of the houses had paint chipping off of the windows and siding.

I called Larry as we drove through Wabash as I had promised I would. He said he was getting the van washed and would meet me at his house. My mood, which had earlier been a mix of loneliness and desolation, brightened.

I arrived at Larry's house and my mood began to slip. I didn't see a new van and began to wonder if Larry had lied to me. There were three other vehicles in the driveway, only one of which looked drivable. There was a small red truck with both back tires removed, an old muddy, beat-up Bronco and a four-wheeler with one headlight out. The latter was the only one that looked trustworthy.

Larry arrived and greeted me. He was a crusty old country boy that could have played the villain in a Clint Eastwood movie without any makeup or wardrobe. He wore a dirty old flannel jacket and muddy boots. He had a red mustache and two-week stubble over the rest of his face. He refused to shake my hand because of a nasty-looking bandage on one of his fingers. All of the other four fingers had been cut off at an earlier time and were now healthy, but inferior. It appeared as if Larry had been removing his fingers, one by one, over the last four years, with the most recent subtraction not being healed yet.

Larry walked me around the van, telling me how you had to close the back door just right and what had happened to the bumper and how it might need a starter soon. He offered to knock another $100 off the price. As he opened the driver's door, an odor of cigarette smoke, old beer cans, and various other rotten food items smacked me in the face, gouged at my eyes and put me in a headlock. The smell of cigarettes alone is a deal breaker for me, but since I had told Larry I wanted to buy his van, I asked if I could drive it just to give it one more chance. I barely got it started. As soon as it started, I noticed the "Check Engine" light was on. Most of the gas pedal was missing. A metal rod came down from under the dash. This would have served as an acceptable accelerator except for the fact that it was broken and laying against the middle console. You had to root around with your foot before you got a good grip on it.

I drove a half-mile up the road and pulled over. After all, I didn't want to get stranded too far away from Larry's house. I popped the hood to look at the engine. It pulsed, sputtered and threatened to die. It was at this point that I knew I had wasted a whole Saturday afternoon, which could have been spent puttering. I drove back to Larry's and told him I wasn't interested in wasting any more of his time. I asked him if he knew the engine light was on. He said that yes, he knew and he had hooked it up to a diagnostic machine and it was misfiring on 4 cylinders. I apologized to Larry for wasting his time and sort-of half-expected him to apologize for not telling me about the smell and the pedal and the door and the fact that 2/3 of the engine was not working properly. Instead, he just grunted and stalked toward his garage.

As I pulled out of Larry's driveway, I wondered if maybe he seemed motivated to sell because he knew that the van wasn't worth what he was asking. I also wondered what he was planning on using the money for if he hadn't bought a new van yet. It occurred to me that he looked like the kind of person that might have a habit to support. I even thought that maybe he was cutting his own fingers off to collect insurance money.

After driving around the hinterlands of Indiana and meeting one of it's less-than-desirable residents, I was never so glad to head for home. My optimistic wife noted that even though supper cost me $20 on the way home, I had saved $2,980 on the day. Too bad I still didn't have something to putter in.

4F Night - Pennies and Playground

2008-03-01T22:26:00.007-05:00

4F Night this week was not really that imaginative or unique. Four under Four decided to go to the mall, eat at the food court, toss pennies in the fountain and play at the mall playground. It wasn't very fancy but a great time was had by all and that's the most important part.

The first order of business was to pack the car. No easy task when you have two baby strollers to get in the back of a car that was only designed to carry two umbrellas. Daddy had a very frustrating time with this (as he always does) and so the "great time that was had by all" did not include this time of packing.

Jordan and Jennae had to find a place to sit while Mommy looked for something "real quick." Thankfully, they were in the JCPenny Home Store with furniture all over the place. Notice the sign in the picture. (He's never going to find someone to buy his sister for that price!)

One sister for sale!
One sister for sale!
One crying and spying young sister for sale!
I'm really not kidding,
So who'll start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar?
A nickel?
A penny?
Oh, isn't there, isn't there, isn't there any
One kid who will buy this old sister for sale,
This crying and spying young sister for sale?
~Shel Silverstein

Pretty expensive friendship too.

Tossing pennies in the fountain.

More pennies...

Alright already...Daddy is going broke!

It was not determined what this little boy was saying to Jennae, but she was acting very coy and Daddy was keeping a close eye on him. He may have been asking for a ride in her airplane.

Joelle was enjoying watching all the action at the playground.

Too bad Julianne missed most of it.

Wake Up People! - Thermostats

2008-02-27T01:00:00.004-05:00

"It's cold in here! Turn the thermostat up!" How many times have you heard it? So someone goes over to the thermostat and dials it up to 90 degrees.

"It'll warm up faster that way," they say.

No, it won't. At least for most homes it won't, anyway. Most people do not understand that a thermostat is simply a switch. It turns your heat (or cooling) on or off. I repeat, on...or off. The typical unit doesn't run harder or faster or more intensely if the thermostat is set to 90 rather than 72. So rather than warm up faster, it simply warms up longer. Then someone has to go back and turn the thermostat back down to a normal room temperature and wait for the room to cool down (or, wasting even more energy, turn on the air conditioner).

I have found this misunderstanding more prominent in women than men. Men are more task oriented and mechanically minded. They don't always pay attention to their feelings. For instance, I talked to one man who was using a table saw to cut a piece of wood for a project. Halfway through the cut, he began to wonder what his hand was doing up in the air when it was supposed to be guiding the wood. When he pulled it down close to his face for inspection, he saw a bloody mess where his left thumbnail used to be. Obviously, he wasn't letting his feelings get in the way of finishing a project.

I think a woman's sensory receptors are more directly wired to the reasoning part of her brain. Women make decisions based on how they feel. So, if they feel very cold, they think they need to turn up the thermostat very far.

Wake up, people! Both men and women need to realize that a typical thermostat is just like a light switch. The air conditioner (or furnace) only runs at one speed. When the room temperature reaches the set temperature, the switch turns the unit off. When the temperature strays from the setpoint, the switch turns the unit on. It's that simple.

Footnote: I know that there are some heating-and-cooling-savvy types out there who are going to tell me that they have a two-stage air conditioner or furnace and that I don't know what I'm talking about because their thermostat is different. These people need to realize that their situation is not typical and if they want to further confuse people, they should get their own blog. The point still stands, however, that cranking up a thermostat on these systems still does not cause the system to work that much faster.

Quote of the Day

2008-02-24T20:33:00.000-05:00

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. ~Ronald Reagan

Former President Ronald Reagan made this statement during a radio microphone test in 1984. One of Reagan's most enduring traits was his quick wit. Even though this tongue-in-cheek statement was never broadcast, it proves how down-to-Earth approach won the hearts of so many Americans.

This comment also brings to light Reagan's legacy in bringing an end to the Cold War. He showed the Soviet Union that the arms race was unwinnable with his "peace through strength" mantra. Ronald Reagan was one of the country's greatest presidents but was not so serious about himself that he couldn't take a moment for a little bit of levity.

4F Night - Grandma & Grandpa's House

2008-02-23T13:54:00.005-05:00

Since Daddy had to work a lot this week (Thursday he was up from 3:30am until Friday 2:00am) Four Under Four decided to take a relaxed approach to 4F night this week. They simply went over to Grandma and Grandpa Knuth's house for pizza. After that they played with cousins and aunts and uncles. (Daddy isn't in any pictures because he got called back into work again.)

Jordan "learning" Spanish on the computer

Notice the Mountain Dew in the background. This is a treat that is pretty much limited to the times when Four Under Four is at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Studies have shown that the amout of Mountain Dew consumed in a home by four-year-olds is directly proportional to the number of holes in the drywall in said home.

Jordan and Jennae playing with cousin Shelby and Aunt Katelyn.

L to R - Kelli (holding Julianne), Kristen (holding nobody), Kayla (holding Joelle), Kari (holding blanket to cover big pizza stain on skirt) and Doug (holding remote).

Julianne and Uncle Kyle

Jordan was so tired when he got in the car to come home that he told Mommy goodnight before he went to sleep.

Quote of the Day

2008-02-19T21:17:00.005-05:00

"... [T]hey should change Kentucky's state bird from the cardinal to the debeaked, crippled, scalded, diseased, dead chicken." ~Bruce Friedrich, PETA vice president.

Instead of congratulations on a piece of "finger-lickin'" legislation, State Representative Charles Siler received a tongue-lashing from the Vice President of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), Bruce Friedrich after introducing a measure that would make Kentucky Fried Chicken the official picnic food of the Bluegrass State. Advoates of the measure say that Colonel Sanders deserves some recognition for the positive economic impact that his brand has had on the state. PETA says that KFC chickens are abused and tortured. (Read the whole quote and article here.)

Look at the chicken above. Can you see the pain and remorse in his beady little eyes? He has been treated unethically. Either that, or he has just survived a tornado.

I do not advocate torture of animals but I find this beyond ridiculous. If you think about it, in essence, PETA is advocating the starvation of humankind. There is not enough food on this planet to support billions of hungry people unless we eat meat. I say we make KFC the official picnic food of the whole United States.

4F Night - Sorry! and Legos

2008-02-16T11:35:00.004-05:00

Four Under Four decided to spend 4F Night this week playing games. Mama and Papa Smitherman sent some money to use for something special for the kids so Daddy went to Target and bought the game, Sorry! While he and Jordan were there, they also picked up a Lego set. (Double-click on the photos to see the whole slideshow. Click again to view the photos online.)

After a while, Jordan got tired of Sorry! and wanted to play with his Legos.

Jennae found the whole thing rather boring.

The finshed product. Pretty cool, huh?

Joelle managed to stay awake for the whole fun filled evening.

Her sister, Julianne, however, missed most of it.

Let Not Your Ears be Tickled

2008-02-13T00:15:00.005-05:00

I am continually amazed at how blindly some people will follow charismatic teachings that are false. Some are content to listen to every message they hear without scrutinizing it by the light of God's Word. Jesus said in Matthew 24:11 that there would be many false prophets and that they would mislead many.

While surfing the Internet, I stumbled across something that interested me. It was on the "What We Believe" page of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas. Joel Osteen is the "pastor" of this mega-church whose messages appeal to people's craving for worldly success.

"WE BELIEVE…Jesus died on the cross and shed His blood for our sins. We believe that salvation is found by placing our faith in what Jesus did for us on the cross. We believe Jesus rose from the dead and is coming again." (Read the whole page here.)

Sounds good, right? But some conservative Christians will note that something is missing from this statement. Almost all evangelical Christians believe that you must repent of your sins before you can accept the gift of eternal life. However, there is no mention of repentance or confession made in this "We believe" statement. Joel Osteen and Lakewood Church are ignoring the many scripture verses that reinforce the need for repentance.

Luke 13:3 says, "...[U]nless you repent, you will all likewise perish." (NASB) Jesus repeats the ultimatum in verse 5 of the same chapter. Romans states it even more clearly. In Romans chapter 10 we see that simply believing (placing our faith in) Christ's resurrection will not result in our salvation. Romans 10:9-10 says:

"...[I]f you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation." (NASB)

This passage clearly shows that there are two distinct steps to salvation: believe and confess. Only confession results in salvation. There are other verses that affirm the promise of salvation if we confess. Acts 2:38 says, "...'Repent...and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." (NASB)

The definition of repent is "to think differently; reconsider" (Strong's Concordance). Joel Osteen, and other easy believe-ism speakers are afraid to preach Truth because they know it is unpopular. The Apostle Paul exhorted Timothy to:

"[P]reach the word;...reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths." II Timothy 4:2-4 (NASB)

Joel Osteen, and others like him, know how to "tickle the ears" of their listeners. Preachers who reprove and rebuke their listeners do not win popularity contests. They do not build multi-million dollar businesses. Entreprenuers build multi-million dollar businesses. It is interesting to note that Osteen has no formal theological training. While this in itself is no reason to dismiss his teaching, the training that he does have gives us a little more insight into where his priorities may lie. He has a Bachelor of Arts degree in television production. Does he really have a burden for lost souls?

I think Joel Osteen is a wonderful motivational speaker. However, I think that he does a disservice to those seeking spiritual fulfillment by not painting a practical picture of Christianity. He has used his church and Christianity as a market to sell his books. He certainly has not used his position as a "preacher" to follow Paul's instruction in II Timothy to "reprove" and "rebuke." Christians should be wary of teachers and preachers who are only pandering to the listeners' desires.

Quote of the Day

2008-02-12T07:15:00.001-05:00

"I think the Democratic Party is a fine party, and I have no problems with it..." ~John McCain

The mainstream media is asserting that John McCain has all but won the Republican nomination for president of the United States. However, they seem to ignore the fact that Mike Huckabee is still winning primaries. One of the reasons for this is that true conservatives are not voting for McCain.

The above statement is part of a quote made by presidential hopeful John McCain about the Democratic party. Here is the whole quote:

"I believe my party has gone astray. I think the Democratic Party is a fine party, and I have no problems with it, in their views and their philosophy. But I also feel the Republican Party can be brought back to the principles I articulated before."

Essentially, if John McCain wins the GOP nomination, we will have two Democrats running for president in the fall. I have heard many conservatives, including Dr. James Dobson, say that they will not vote for McCain. I have heard others say that if Hillary Clinton is on the ticket, they will vote for her instead. I understand why conservatives will not vote for McCain. They cannot support someone who abandons his party's basic conservative values.

By the same token, I do not see how someone who will not vote for McCain on the basis of values can vote for Clinton or Barak Obama. They don't even have to pretend to be liberal. People have been saying that they would rather have a Democrat mess things up for the next four years than a Republican.This is shallow thinking. I believe that someone who truly holds conservative values but supports Clinton rather than McCain is comprimising their integrity.

As it stands now, I will not vote for John McCain in the fall. Neither will I vote for Clinton or Obama. I will go to the polls and cast my vote for my state's Republican senators and representatives. I think it is very important that conservative voters do not stay home on election day even if they are not casting a vote for a presidential candidate.

Don't lose hope, conservatives! Mike Huckabee still has a chance (althought very slight) to win this nomination. If he does, it will be up to all of us to make sure that he gets elected in November!

You can read the whole account of McCain's "wolf in sheep's clothing" approach at snopes.com.

4F Night - Valentine's Day Cards

2008-02-08T19:36:00.001-05:00

Some of you may be wondering what "4F Night" means. It is an abreviation for "FFFF Night" which is an acronym for FourUnderFour Friday Family Fun Night. Since so many of FourUnderFour's readers only check the blog every week or so to see if any more pictures have been posted, it has been moved, seconded and carried that we document our Friday Family Fun Nights and post them on the blog.

This Friday night, the activity of choice is making Valentine's Day cards to send to relatives.

For some reason, Julianne refuses to smile!

Daddy's cards took the longest to make.
(Sometimes being a perfectionist is a curse.)

Jennae making a mess...

Jordan cleaning it up!

All done!

Wake Up People! - Recession Fears

2008-02-06T11:46:00.000-05:00

The mainstream media and the presidential candidates have been telling us that we are in a recession. However, this is simply not true. The definition of a recession is two consecutive quarters of negative GDP growth. GDP (Gross Domestic Product) is "the total market value of all the goods and services produced within the borders of a nation during a specified period."* So far, as this chart from the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis and this chart from paperdinero.com will show, we have not even had one quarter of negative growth!

Wake up, people! Don't believe the media hype! News reporters are not economists! They want you to believe we are in a recession because they get more attention during periods of panic. Think about it. How many people watch/listen to the news during a disaster such as September 11 or a category 5 hurricane? If the media can create a sense of foreboding and eventually make people panic, their viewership will increase.

Don't believe everything you hear. Do the research. There are scores of viable sources that say that there probably will be no recession. Here are some links to some of those articles: New Economist, Blogging Stocks, Miami Herald & Examiner.com.

*Bartleby.com

Socks

2008-02-04T06:33:00.000-05:00

My family has seems to have had a generational obsession with socks. I have not been quite as afflicted with it, but my father seems to have passed this strange inherent need for socks on to my son. This instinct must have been what motivated him, in a recent trip to the store with his mother, to increase his supply of "swiding" socks (translation: sliding socks) without his mother's knowledge.

Some might wonder what swiding socks are. Those of you who don't know have never had a four-year-old boy and hardwood floors in your home. I have seen boys who have perfected the art of skating on the smooth floor in their sock feet. However, I think my son is the first youngster that I have seen who has to put the socks on his hands and feet to make it worth his while.

It was probably for this reason that, while perched in his seat in the cart on the aforementioned shopping trip, his little four-year-old brain told him he needed to buy more "swiding socks." Since moms can be tough to sell on some purchases, he decided to just snag a package of the most expensive brand off the shelf and slip it under the fozen peas while Mom wasn't looking. Apparently, Mom wasn't looking when he loaded them onto the checkout conveyor either because they made it across the scanner, into the bag and all the way back home before Daddy's checkbook knew what hit it.

I can symathize with my son's desire to purchase socks. A few mornings ago I found myself late for work because I was scouring my sock drawer for a pair without holes in them. Actually, I would have been happy to find one sock without a hole in it. As I checked each pair and found each to be unsatisfactory, I threw them on the floor with a thump. After a couple of minutes, I got a rhythm working and I began humming a song I learned in church when I was very young.

"Holey, [thump] holey, [thump] hole- [thump] -y! [thump]
All my socks are holey!" [thump, thump, thump]

I'm not sure how all the holes got in my socks but I think it is a genetic trait. I remeber when I was growing up that my Dad always had holey socks.

Actually, one of our most treasured family traditions has to do with socks. It all started when my sister and I got old enough to realize that we should be buying gifts for others on birthdays and other special days. We approached Mom and asked her what we should get for Dad on his birthday. My mom, not wanting to see us waste money on something that Dad wouldn't use, suggested that he might need some new socks and underwear. This was good to know since Mom was the only one privy to this information (thankfully).

So, for his birthday that year Dad got six pairs of underwear and four pairs of socks. Not too many months had passed before we realized how hard Dad was on socks and underwear. When Father's Day rolled around, my sister and I again questioned Mom on what we should get him for a gift.

"I think he needs some socks and underwear," she said.

"Again?" we asked. Actually, part of the problem was that Dad wore his socks everywhere. He barely went from the shower to bed without socks on. He just didn't like to go barefooted. I think he must have been born with socks on. It was because of this "sock obsession" that his socks wore out faster than the average male's.

So, we bought him socks and underwear again for Father's Day. I'm not sure if it was the fact that we had no imagination in gift-giving or that Dad just needed socks every November and June, but somehow we formed a ritual of giving Dad socks and underwear every single birthday and Father's Day. Sometimes we would buy undershirts in just to keep it interesting. After a while, we even stared calling Father's Day "Fruit of the Loom Day."

After dinner we would bring out the gifts and Dad would read the card, "Dear Dad, Happy Father's Day! P.S. We hope the socks fit."

Then he would tear open the package with great anticpation to see if he got navy or black this year.

Well, after realizing that my family had not caught on to this tradition yet, I finally had to go out and buy some socks. I know when my kids get a couple of years older however, that I'll never have to worry about having enough socks again. I just hope they know I like the ones that you can slide on the hardwood floors with.

Quote of the Day

2008-02-04T06:30:00.001-05:00

"We're only going to score 17 points?" ~Tom Brady

The almost perfect quaterback for the New England Patriots was skeptical of Plaxico Burress's (wide receiver, New York Giants) prediction of the final score of Superbowl XLII. Burress said that the Giants were going to win 23-17 This didn't set well with Brady, whose team had not scored less than 20 points in any game throughout the whole season. He expressed his ire in a press conference on Wednesday and asked to be given a "little more credit.". Apparently, he thought Burress's prediction was going to be wrong.

It was.

The Patriots, who seemed to be perfect all season, scored only 14 points. It was the New York Giants, led by the under-rated Eli Manning, who scored 17 points. It was all they needed to upset the cocky, signal snooping Patriots and become the first NEC wild-card team to win the Superbowl.

No Brady, you're not going to score 17 points. Sorry.

Glassbooth

2008-01-28T09:29:00.000-05:00

It's not often that I find a website that I want to pass along to my freinds. For one thing, it's a good way to lose friends. However, this website is pretty useful and especially timely in an election year.

The interactive site asks you to pick the issues that mean the most to you and then answer about 20 questions about those issues. When you are finished, it tells you which candidate best matches your stance on the issues. It also gives reasons why the candidate matches your preferences, including quotes and voting records. Click the link above to find your candidate!

Quote of the Day

2008-01-25T11:52:00.001-05:00

"Who cares what the broke people think?" ~Dave Ramsey

I think this quote needs a little bit of explanation. I am reading Dave Ramsey's book, The Total Money Makeover and trying to apply the principles to the way I handle money. In the book, Dave outlines a plan for total financial freedom. It's a cross between a financial how-to book and a motivational book.

The comment above may seem to some to be rather elitist, but taken into context, it makes perfect sense. Throughout the book Dave encourages habits that take you down a road to financial freedom. He calls these the baby steps. He shows you how to get out of debt, set up an emergency fund, pay for the kids' college and fund your retirement.

Some of the behaviors that Dave teaches are not easy, nor are they popular. People will think you are crazy for some of the things that you do. However, most of the people who appear to be "doing well" are in debt up to their eyebrows, are living paycheck to paycheck, and are one washing machine breakdown from financial ruin. But when you are living debt-free, have a fully funded emergency fund, have provided for college and retirement and are living like no one else, you too will be thinking, "Who cares what the broke people think?"

Wake Up People! - Lithopanspermia

2008-01-13T13:51:00.000-05:00

Lithopansperia is the therory that simple life forms travel in meteorites that were broken off from other planets when struck by some large object. (Read more on the subject here)* Apparently, the debunking of the evolutionary theory is so complete that scientists are now searching for another possibility to explain the way that life was formed here on earth.

In an effort to prove this therory the European Space Agency embedded lichen and other microorganisms in the hull of the Foton M-3 (left) when they launched it into space. The experiment was supposed to prove that life forms could have reached Earth on a meteroite millions of years ago and sparked the evolutionary process that formed all the life that we see now.

Wake up people! Stop trying to prove an outdated theory! Life on Earth was formed by an intelligent Creator a mere 6,000 years ago.

Alas, the life forms in the experiment were dead by the time they got back "home" to Earth. It seems that the hostility of space and the brutality of entry into the earth's atmosphere simply does not allow life to exist. Once again, the evolitionists are proven wrong.

*Caution - clicking on the above link could cause significant damage to the brain cells of intellegent homo sapiens.

Cheapskate

2008-01-09T11:54:00.000-05:00

I've never considered myself a savvy grocery shopper, but lately I've joined the ranks of the best soccer moms. Most men would probably prefer that their wives do all the shopping because it's included in the "household" duties. However, in the wildlife preserve that we call home, my wife and I fight over who gets to get out of the house do the grocery shopping. When our twins were newborns, I was going every week. I called it "me time." I'm not sure what kind of twisted worldview considers time spent grocery shopping as personal time but I embraced it.

Learning to grocery shop was a very enlightening experience. We did all our grocery shopping at Wal-mart. One of the first things I noticed was that the time of day is directly proportional to the IQ of the shoppers. Most of the time I went to the store late at night. I looked around, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, and wondered where all these weird people came from. After a couple of weeks, I was beginning to think that Wal-mart gave special discounts to any shoppers who rode the little motorized cart through the line after 11:30 on Saturday night.

I have always wanted to ride one of the motorized carts but I'm never sure if I can look underprivileged enough. I don't think you actually have to be disabled to ride one, just underprivileged. It's part of the Wal-mart code. If you look in their company handbook, the motorized cart rules are right under the rule that says you have to be at least 87 years old to be a greeter.

One of the reasons that I keep shopping at Wal-mart is the fact that they dummy-proof the prices. They tell you how much you are paying per ounce/slice/roll/serving. It takes me hours in other grocery stores because I stand in front of the cheese display for ten minutes with a calculator trying to figure out if it is cheaper to buy 12 slices of cheese for $2.29 or 20 slices for $3.69. I don't even look at the total price or the brand any more, only the unit price.

After one particularly speedy trip to Wal-mart my wife complemented me on my expertise in finding the best price. "Why did you get "Udder Heaven" cheese?" she asked as we unpacked the bags.

"Seventeen cents a slice!" I squealed, stacking the last of the Green-O-Rama canned beans in the pantry.

Sometimes you have to be careful looking at unit prices. A few weeks ago, my wife sent me to the grocery store with a mission to find diced garlic. I had never seen diced garlic before but I had a pretty good idea where to start. However, after several minutes in the games aisle, I decided I better ask an associate. I discovered to my chagrin, that diced garlic was found closer to garlic than dice.

As I strolled down to the produce department I wondered if my IQ could be affected just by being in Wal-mart at such a late hour. After searching for another 15 minutes I finally called my wife on my cell phone to tell her that I couldn't find diced garlic anywhere. To my further embarrassment, she gently explained she had never heard of diced garlic nor had she asked me to buy it. "I said minced garlic." she reminded me sweetly.

I finally located the tiny shelf that was home to the minced garlic. I was faced with three options. My superior money-saving instinct took over and I scooped up the jar that said 3.1c/oz. I noticed that all the other jars were not only more expensive per ounce, but they were also a lot smaller. "Oh well," I thought, "Those must be for people who only need a tablespoon."

As we unpacked the groceries that night, I pulled the jar out of the bag. "Is this what you needed?" I asked.

"You got a quart?" she exclaimed. "All I needed was a tablespoon! We'll never use all this. Didn't they have any sma..."

"I was just trying save some money. We'll use it. Sprinkle it on the kids' Cheerios or something."

And so through a series of very unfortunate events, my days of spending personal time in the grocery store ended. My wife decided that it was time for her to start doing the grocery shopping again. She has run into some of the same challenges as I did, however. She's been trying a lot of new recipes that require unusual ingredients. I have noticed that every meal has one ingredient in common - minced garlic.

Wake Up People! - Quotation Marks

2008-01-09T11:52:00.003-05:00

Have you ever noticed how people misuse quotation marks? Purdue University's Online Writing Lab (OWL) gives three proper uses for quotation marks. Quotation marks can be used for: 1) Direct and indirect quotations, 2) titles of minor works and parts of wholes, such as "In the Gloaming" or 3)"words used ironically, with reservations or in some unusual way."

Just Some Random Pictures

2008-01-05T20:35:00.000-05:00

Jennae and cousin Shelby

Jordan is Mommy's big helper!

New Blog Series for 2008 - Wake Up People!

2008-01-02T16:05:00.001-05:00

One of my New Year's resolutions is to do more blogging. I have decided that I need to start one or more themes into my blog. That's why I am announcing Wake Up People, a series of short posts that examines the apparent lack of grey matter in the dumb masses. We will focus on advertising, politics, government entities and environmentalists. I am anxious to hear your feedback and any suggestions you might have for upcoming posts.

Wake Up People! - Free Laptop

2008-01-02T15:14:00.000-05:00

I heard an advertisement on the radio today for a free laptop. That's right, a FREE laptop. All that you have to do is go to a certain website and claim your free laptop. The advertisement stated that big companies have decided that they have more success by giving away free stuff than spending millions of dollars in advertising.

I realized that this was probably a scam. As my History of Civilization professor used to say, "There ain't no free lunch." My suspicions were confirmed with this statement that really caught my attention, "To earn your free laptop, just go to www.[website].com" Wait a minute -- "EARN your FREE laptop?" Should I really have to earn it if it is free?

I actually went to the website to see what all the fuss was about. I discovered that you have to sign up for six offers from companies wanting to sell you products or services. Most of these are a subscription type service and they promise to waive the first month's fee. Some were a free item that you only had to pay shipping and handling on. Wake up people! It's a scam! Not only do they want your email address so they can fill your mailbox with more spam, they want you to sign up for their offers and hope that you don't cancel them after the first month.

Fw:

2007-12-26T21:25:00.000-05:00

[Fw:] The most dreaded "word" of the electronic age. This is my "Let it out" post for the month. (By the way, if you arrived at this page by clicking on a link in an email you are in the right place. Stay tuned.)

My biggest pet peeve with computers is not the fact that they never print when you want them to nor the fact that as soon as you purchase one, the guy at Best Buy hangs a sign on the door advertising a newer, faster model. My biggest beef with modern connectivity is the "connectivity" part.

People think that if they have your email address in their contact list they can send any email along that has "Fw:" at the beginning. I'm tired of it! Seriously, I get the dumbest forwards. Today was the final straw. I received an email that said for every one that you forwarded it to, Microsoft would send you a check for $245! C'mon people! Do you really think that if you forward that warm, fuzzy email to 15 people that something good will happen to you at 11:11 today?

Every once in a while I get a forward that is worth reading but most of the ones I get are of the "chain letter" variety. Well, I have decided to strike back! I composed an email and sent it to everyone I could. It reads as follows:

Do you ever get tired of forwarded emails that crowd your inbox and make the stupidest promises if you forward them on?

Well, I got tired of it too so I contacted Yahoo to complain.

They sent me the following email and said that if I forwarded it to 10 people, then it would electronically mark my email account to not accept any forwarded emails.

I was a little skeptical at first but then I tried it and it WORKED. My email account blocks all forwards! I have been forward-free for four weeks now!

So I thought that I would share it with some more of my friends.

All you have to do is forward it to 10 people!

Note: AFTER YOU FORWARD THE EMAIL, if you don't receive a confirmation message right away, click on the Customer Service Center link for more information and to download the freeware to block forwarded emails.

----- Original Message -----
From: Jim Hargill
To: Valued customer
Sent: Saturday, November 17, 2007 2:42 PM
Subject: Forward blocker

Dear valued customer,

We apologize for your recent frustration with forwarded emails. We have developed a "forward blocker" to combat this growing problem. Please forward this email to at least 10 people. After you do, your email account will no longer accept forwarded messages. This works for any web or server based email accounts. For more information, please visit our Customer Service Center.

Thank you,

Jim Hargill
Customer service manager
Yahoo Systems

[End of message]

The truth of the matter is, I composed this whole message myself and I never contacted Yahoo. It's a joke; don't you see? When you click on the link for Customer Service it brings you to this post! I actually killed two birds with one stone! Now everyone knows about my utter distaste for "chain letter" emails and I have increased traffic on my weblog.

Logic Poll Results

2007-12-26T13:23:00.000-05:00

The results for the long running poll are finally in! Truthfully, I've been so lackadaisical in keeping up with this blog lately that I'll be surprised if anyone reads this. If you did not participate in the poll, you may not even want to read this. Hopefully, you won't be waiting too long for a blog post that you actually care about. Anyway, the poll read as follows:

Which of the following statements do you believe to be true? (At least one of them is true.) Statements: #1.The following is a rule. #2. All rules have at least one exception.

Option A. Both statements are true.
Option B. Statement #1 is true but statement #2 is false.
Option C. Statement #2 is true but statement #1 is false.

Out of 37 votes cast,
18 voted for Option A (49%)
12 voted for Option B (32%)
7 voted for Option C (19%)

Here is an explanation for the logic behind this "brain teaser." First of all, let me concede that you could argue that neither statement was correct. However, you will note that I stipulated that at lease one statement was true. Also, I assumed upon my readers that they would translate rule as "law," as in "the law of gravity". In that light Option A is the only correct answer. If Statement #2 is a rule, then it has an exception. The exception is the exception.

(If you are still reading, I am doubly surprised, but grateful none the less.)

It might be easier to eliminate all but the correct answer. Option B cannot be correct because it states that "the following is a rule." A rule, by its very definition, is true. Option B says the rule is false. I know that this argument is weak but if you don't like it, get your own blog. Option C cannot be correct because statement #2 is simply not true. The rule (law) of gravity has no exception. Therefore, option C is the best answer.

If you are still confused, that's okay. Sleep on it. The most important part is that C is the best answer. The other options could be argued to be true on the basis of semantics. However, if you think about it option C is the easiest one to accept as true.

Congratulations to the 18 people who answered the question correctly. Apologies to everyone who has been waiting for a new blog post for over a month only to find themselves disappointed by this one.

Special Thanks

2007-11-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted very many "journal entries" on this blog. I know, I know, some of you are thinking, "You haven't posted very much of anything lately!" Excuse warning- I have been very busy lately. No really, I have. Just look at the title of my blog.

Anyway, the reason that I don't normally post "journal entries" is because I'm afraid that my readers will get an image of me that just is not only false, but scary none the less. For instance, you are probably sitting at your computer reading this and picturing me sitting behind my computer with dark circles around my eyes, wearing my Colts bathrobe and my Rocky and Bullwinkle slippers. Well, I'll have you know that that simply is not the case. I don't even own a Colts bathrobe. And, just for the record, my slippers have Chip and Dale on them. Chip is on the left slipper and Dale is on the right.

So by this point you are probably wondering, "What's the point? Why is he writing a journal type entry to tell us that he doesn't write journal type entries?" Here's the reason: I have to extend my deepest gratitude to the anonymous reader who sent me a "Blogger of the Year" Award. My most loyal readers will remember a comment on my "Tagged!...Huh?" post from "Friend" that said I had won the award and I was to expect a gift and ribbon in the mail. Well, I didn't expect anything in the mail. I just thought someone was giving me a nice compliment. Much to my surprise a few days later, I received a ribbon and a gift in the mail! The gift was a $25 gift card to Red Lobster. The envelope was hand written and gave no indication who it might be from. The stamp was canceled in Anderson, Indiana.

Kristen and I went to Red Lobster Wednesday night and enjoyed a great meal. So - whoever you are - thank you very much. Oh, and by the way, the bill came to $29, so I'll be looking for a check in the mail for the remainder. (Please, I'm just kidding!) Now, for all of you who have been waiting for one of my more traditional posts, I'm working on one now. But before I continue, I have to go put Chip and Dale to beddy-bye; my feet are getting hot.

Grandpa's House

2007-11-09T13:12:00.000-05:00

No child is perfect. I had the distinction when I was young of being the "terror" of my hometown. In my small but quickly developing brain, I thought my parents called me that because I was always "'tearing' around the house." I wasn't a bad kid, just full of energy.

Looking back on my childhood, I am amazed at some of the things that I did that I didn't get in big trouble for. Interestingly enough, it was always at my grandparents' house where I experienced this unmerited grace. I remember that many of my friends got away with things because their mischievous deeds were never discovered by their parents. For me, this was not the case. My mother could smell a fib.

I do remember one incident at my grandparents house that I managed to sweep under the rug. My Grandpa had a 1989 Mercury Grand Marquis. It was the first car that I had ever ridden in with cigarette lighters for the passengers in the rear seats. Since nobody in my family smoked and I had never seen a smoker in his car before, I thought the cigarette lighters must have been for emergency heat or something. Either that or, since my grandparents lived in Canada, they were used to light fires when they got stranded in blizzards.

My mischievousness struck one July with not a snowflake in sight. I loved to push the cigarette lighter in and try to guess when it was going to pop out. After I got bored with that I decided see how long I could hold the lighter down in the hole. I figured Grandpa wouldn't be needing the emergency heat for another couple months. When I pulled the stem out, instead of a glowing red circle, I saw a burned-out, black mess. I looked down in the lighter socket and noticed that some of the element had fallen out in there. What happened next will be forever seared into my index finger. I reached into the socket to get the burnt elemeEEOOOOOOOOWWW!

The cigarette lighter was ruined. In my mind I could envision what would happen the next time there was a blizzard. "What happened to our fire starter, Freda?" Grandpa would say.

"I don't know, Herman. I don't think we have ever had to use it before!"

Nobody ever found out what happened to the emergency heater/fire starter. In fact, the following summer the emergency heater/fire starter on the other side of the backseat ended up in the same condition. I'm thankful we didn't have any smokers in our family or they would have definitely been showing signs of nicotine withdrawal while I was around.

A few years later, there was another incident that I was sure was going to bring the wrath of my whole family down on me. My grandparents had a jacuzzi bathtub in their master bathroom. I used to play in it for hours. My mom would put bubble bath in the water and then turn the jacuzzi motor on. One of my favorite things about the bathtub was the unconventional shower head. It came out of the side of the tub and when you pulled it up, there was a long hose attaching the shower head to the tub. In the imaginative mind of a seven-year-old this hose was many different things. For instance, if it was lying stealthily in the water, it was a snake. In the seven-year-old's hand, it was a rope, or even a lasso.

I remember one evening, during my bath/play hour, the water in the bathtub became infested with a giant snake (the hose). I tried to strangle him, but he was too strong. After many minutes of struggling, I realized that my only recourse was to climb back aboard the boat (the side of the tub). Someone threw me a rope (the hose) and I began using it to heave my tired body aboard. That's when it happened. Something snapped and threw me back to reality. I discovered a few minutes later that whatever had snapped had also caused the shower head to stop working. I thought I detected a faint sound of running water somewhere when I turned the shower head on but it wasn't in the tub. I decided that it was best if I kept the whole episode to myself.

It wasn't very many days until Grandpa discovered a huge puddle in the basement. He came into the living room and announced to my dad that there was a bunch of water on the basement floor. My heart sank. As the men of the family marched down into the basement to investigate, I knew what I had to do. I went to my mom and confessed the whole ordeal. My mom wasn't one to waste time in an investigation so she marched me straight into the bathroom.

By the time we arrived at the bathtub, my dad and grandpa had reached the puddle and were staring up into the plumbing in the joists above. My mom, eager to have the mystery solved, turned the water on and pushed the lever for the shower head. Again I heard the faint sound of running water and this time it was accompanied by a duet of male voices saying, "Turn it OFF! That's it!" I began to pray that when I died in a few minutes, Jesus would take me to heaven in spite of my mischievousness. Much to my amazement, however, the incident whole passed without any punishment or rewriting of the family will.

My grandfather was a barber and I had heard stories about the razor strap: the method of discipline used on my father. I had many instances in my childhood when I thought I deserved to get the razor strap and I was deathly afraid of it. I discovered however, that no matter how mischievous I was, my parents and grandparents still loved me and only wished to discipline me when I was disobedient or untruthful. I just hope they don't find out about the finger paint in the Family Bible.

The Un-mechanic

2007-10-05T21:00:00.000-04:00

The more I learn about people, the more I realize that God created all of us with uniquely different abilities and talents. Not everyone, for example, is able to fix a bicycle tire with superglue and duct tape like I am. One of the skills I have always coveted but never possessed is the ability to fix cars.

There are advantages to this lack of knowledge. I've found that I don't feel guilt as some men do when they run across someone whose car is broken down. My idea of diagnosing a car problem is asking, "Is the key on?"

After the owner of the car gives me a dirty look, I tell him that he should really get it to a mechanic and get it checked out.

This lack of knowledge came in handy a couple of weeks ago when I saw a man in the Wal-Mart parking lot with battery cables hanging out of his hood. I stopped to give him a jump only to discover that there was no battery in his truck! He told me that it would run as long as he could get it started. I had to take his word for it. While we were hooking up the cables I found out the story behind the absent battery.

Apparently the man had come to Wal-Mart the week before and purchased a new battery. When he got home, his wife told him that she was more in need of new clothes than he was in need of a new battery. He went back to Wal-Mart, returned the battery and bought $62 worth of clothes for his wife.

"So now," he said, "She's happy and I'm stranded!"

The truck never did start and I really felt sorry for the man. However, I didn't feel any guilt for not offering to help him fix his truck thanks to my lack of mechanical ability.

Actually, I would be happy just to be able to act like I knew what I was talking about when all the other guys are standing around discussing their engines.

Engine guy one: "Hey Dude, did you get those rings replaced?"

Engine guy two: "Yeah, I replaced the timing chain and ground the head surfaces too."

Engine guy one: "How'd the cylinders look?"

Engine guy two: "Well, I think I might have to bore those out."

Me: "Hey, you guys know a good way to fix a bike tire so the duct tape doesn't flap when you ride fast?"

Working on cars never has been my thing. I think I got a bad start when I was young. My dad had an old Ford truck that he bought for the expressed purpose of getting him from point A to point B. That was about all the truck was good for as long as point B wasn't too far away or at the top of a hill.

One of the more irritating problems with the truck was its squeakiness. The truck seemed to be designed so that every piece of metal rubbed against the one next to it and driving it created a teeth-clenching, head-ringing symphony. I decided one day after popping four Tylenol that I was going to reform the truck one squeak at a time.

I started the truck and crawled underneath. Every piece of truck under there was shaking like a night crawler at a bass tournament. I found a nifty little block of 2 X 4 and wedged it between two of the offending pieces. The decibel level dropped significantly to about that of a 40-year-old washing machine full of ball bearings. I decided that I would see how it worked and tweak it more another day.

On the way home from work that evening, I began to sense that maybe I had made a mistake. "I wonder who is burning wood in this kind of weather," my dad mused as we rumbled down the road.

"Huh...weird." I mumbled, sinking lower into my springs.

"Smells like it's getting closer too."

The only thing that I could do was pray the truck didn't burst into flames before we got home and I could remove the piece of wood that was apparently wedged next to some component of the exhaust system. I vowed as I pulled the charred 2 X 4 out that I was never going to try to repair another vehicle.

My resolution didn't last long. When I started college, my parents gave me a car that was getting to be too undependable to use as the family car. The reason for this lack of dependability was due in part to my dad driving through a puddle the size of Vermont at 45 miles per hour.

My dad is normally a very good driver. I have never know him to get in a wreck. On the night in question, it had been raining very hard for about a half of an hour and we were on our way home. By the time my dad saw the Lake Vermont in the middle of the road, he couldn't slow down and he couldn't change lanes. No image from my adolescence is burned into my memory as vividly as the one of the waves rolling up the hood and breaking over the windshield. Immediately the car died. After much coaxing and therapy, the mechanic managed to get it started again. However, as you might assume, the car never was right again.

After my parents told me I could have the car, I broke my no-working-on-cars resolution when a friend of mine told me that I could make the car run better if I would cut open the catalytic converter and knock all the "stuff"out of it. I asked him if the catalytic converter was anywhere near the battery. For the next half hour, I listened to him explain the delicate nuances of a vehicles exhaust system. Later that week, I found the catalytic converter, cut it open and knocked all the "stuff" out with a screwdriver.

Unfortunately, the car still ran the same. I did notice a marked difference in the sound of the exhaust though. It was loud! My friend told me that this was due in part to the fact that I used duct tape to seal up the hole that I had cut in the catalytic converter. I renewed my vow.

Since then I have gone back and forth from working on cars to not working on cars. My most recent attempt at mechanical prowess was a result of my discovering that I could save about $300 by replacing the brakes on my SUV myself. I decided to enlist the help of my brother-in-law, who was practically born with a socket wrench in his hand.

"You want me to bring my jack?" he asked.

"What do we need that for?"

He smirked. "Um, you have to take the wheels off to get the brakes off."

"Oh yeah," I said, "So, why do we need a jack?"

"Never mind," he quipped, "I'll just bring it."

"Fine," I said, "You bring the jack. I'll bring the duct tape."

Tagged!...Huh?

2007-09-30T22:19:00.000-04:00

Uh, okay, I've been tagged. I'm not sure what it means but so far it resembles spam email. You know, the kind of email that says we should pray for our troops and if you don't forward this to 14 people then you are not very patriotic and a herd of 1000 camels will make their rest stop on your favorite pair of sneakers? Yeah, it's like that. Anyway, I'm writing this blog because I'm through! I'm not going to participate in this or any other silly chain letter type scheme.

On a completely unrelated note, I was thinking the other day about how little my readers really know about me. I decided to come up with 6 or 7 little known fact about myself so that my readers know what kind of a person they idolize.

#1. I hate being tagged and I hate playing tag. I hate it because every time I played tag as a child I got in trouble. Let me explain. My mother was very "clean conscious." I was never allowed to run in church clothes. Asking a little boy not to run is like asking a 400 pound woman not to crave Twinkies. So every Sunday night after church, you could always spot me in a group of children playing tag. I was the one power-walking.

#2. My disdain for the game of tag has developed into a disdain for all games elementary. I hate UNO and other "non-brain" games. Who would create a game whose rules are so exclusive that you don't even have to use your brain to play it? Give me chess any day.

#3. I have never been declared champion of anything. I'm not really bothered by this, but I wouldn't mind being declared champion of something someday. However, if I was declared champion of UNO, I would decline the title, but keep the prize money.

#4. I've never won any prize money for anything but I have won a couple of radio contests. The first time I won the prize was a book. The second time I won a prize package of three different items, all of which I gave away. Sounds kind of crazy, huh? Well, at the time that I called, I didn't know what was included in the prize package. I knew the song they were playing though, and that's all that mattered to me because I got to hear myself on the radio!

#5. Various factors in my childhood and early years (my mother's clean consciousness for one) have shaped my psyche into a weird disorder I like to call obsessive-impulsive. This is not to be confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Someone who has OCD is obsessed by small things and is compelled to perform certain rituals to ease their mental distress. They are sometimes characterized by extreme neatness, frequent hand-washings, and many different phobias. Someone who is obsessive-impulsive however, is still obsessed with the same issues, but they don't seek to correct them on a regular basis. For instance, I will notice some things that I know need correcting (cleaned up, aligned etc.) but I don't fix them until they really get on my nerve (with four kids, I only have one left). On the other hand, some things that other people will never notice irritate me right away and I have to fix them.

#6. My one wish is that I could be president for a day and be able to make any laws I wanted to. Right now I can only think of two laws that I would want to make. The first law would be to kill all the camels in the U.S. Think about it, we don't need them. We don't even have any real deserts. Besides, I'm tired of not forwarding emails and having to buy new sneakers. Secondly, I would ban UNO.

#7. Looking back over my list of little-known facts about me I've realized that there is very little to know about me. There are lots of things that I've never done. So my seventh little known fact is my plan to make myself unique. I'm going to invent and patent a card game and live off of the royalties. It'll have four different colored cards with numbers on them...

Tent Envy

2007-09-24T22:41:00.000-04:00

Envy manifests itself in many ways. Our materialistic society facilitates jealousy and envy. Of all the times that jealousy rears its ugly head, the worst is on a camping trip. On one such recent trip I was reminded how much camping takes us back to our childhood in actions and attitudes.

When I showed up at the campsite, I noticed that there were already a couple of tents set up. We were expecting a large group and so there would eventually be 10 or 15 tents. I also noticed immediately that my tent was not going to be the finest. I like my tent. I like it because it was free. I like it because it's a dome-shaped tent that you can actually stand up in. But it isn't the finest.

Before I went on this trip, I considered buying a new tent. I remember how nice and roomy all the other tents looked on my last camping trip. As I flipped through the catalogue, my imagination ran wild.

"Look honey," I said, pointing to a picture of a huge green tent. "Here's a nice one."

"What is that coming out of the roof?" she asked

"A stove pipe"

"Do we need that?" she asked, trying my patience.

"Yes, we have to have a stovepipe if we are going to have a stove." She gave me a funny look.

"If you have a stove inside the tent and no stovepipe outside the tent, bad things happen, the worst of which is none of your friends knowing that you have a stove inside." I continued looking through the magazine and finally decided that if I was going to pay that kind of price for a tent, it had better have a toilet in it complete with running water and a heated seat.

I threw the catalogue aside. My shopping trip had turned into an information gathering mission. Indeed, I had learned a lot of new things about tents. For instance, there are several different kinds of tents. There are dome tents, wall tents, truck tents, and tent cots. The most common type of tent is a dome tent. This is what we used to refer to as a pup tent. I think it got its name from the story fathers told their sons whenever they dragged it out of the attic for a camping trip.

"Do we have to take that ratty old thing?" the son would whine.

"Son," Father would say, " This is a fine tent. I've had this tent since Shep was a pup."

So the son would throw the pup tent in the top of the car and leave the straps just a little loose and pray that it would fall off on the way up to the campsite.

The tent that I took camping just recently is slightly better than a pup tent. I mentioned that it was free. A friend gave it to me. The same friend that went out and bought the Taj Mahal of tents after he gave me his pup tent. When I arrived, his was already set up. I sighed and dumped my tent out on the ground in a big heap.

Looking at the pile on the ground I realized that my tent has something that new tents don't have -"sentimental value." The problem is that I've only used it twice and it is someone else's sentiments that are attached to it. For instance, I'm sure that the missing pegs have a really great story behind them. Maybe someone was attacked by a bear and had only a couple of flimsy tent pegs to protect themselves. Also, the burrs stuck to the roof probably remind someone of the best weekend of their life. I decided that a tent with sentimental value might not be so bad. Besides, it was free.

After about half of the tents were set up, I noticed that everyone seemed to be checking out a different tent with that envious look in their eyes. One family tent even had dormers! As I watched the other campers adjusting their detachable door mats and stowing their gear in their gear lofts, I myself was almost completely overcome with envy.

I wandered around the campsite looking for marshmallows to roast. When I came back a half of an hour later, the ones with the biggest tents were still fussing with the reflective, anti-snag zippers and the hub and swivel frame for the vestibule. One camper, whose tent was so big he looked more like a hot air balloonist than a camper, had to actually set up two parts of the tent, lay them on the ground and then crawl underneath one of them to connect the two parts together. Then, he had to make sure he was standing in the doorway while four other volunteers lifted the rest of the structure up.

I glanced over at my tent and with its sure-snag zippers and break-easy frame and I remembered how long it took me to set it up and how stress-free the process was. In that moment, with my belly full of S'mores and watching my camper friends sweating and muttering under their breath, my tent looked like the best of them all.

Before the weekend was over, I had added some of my own sentimental value to the tent. Do you know how fast a lantern can burn a hole in the no-see-um mesh door? I also discovered a couple more sentimental marks made by someone else. I decided that I like sentimental tents. Besides, it was free.

Pacifiers

2007-09-13T12:48:00.000-04:00

I don't know who invented pacifiers, but if I ever meet him, I'm going to grab him around the neck and TRY TO STRANGLE HIM! Actually, my relationship with the inventor of pacifiers is sort of a love/hate relationship. With two newborns in my home, I am daily reminded of the advantages and the inadequacies of pacifiers.

On the one hand, pacifiers serve to help parents retain their sanity by blocking all the ear-splitting noise coming out of their precious little mouths. On the other hand, the babies can't seem to keep them in their mouths. Their precious little brains aren't developed enough to know that if they don't keep their mouth somewhat tight, they will lose their pacifier. It amazes me however, that their brains are developed enough to produce the ear-splitting noise. Apparently, the designers of the pacifier failed to foresee the infants lack of foresight.

I think we must have 40 pacifiers at our house. Thirty-six of them are for the babies and the other four are for my wife and I to stick in our ears so we can get some sleep at night. The reason we have so many for the babies is that we lose them all the time. Actually, they lose them all the time. They suck on them so violently that they shoot out of their mouths and across the room. The other day I found one lodged in the ceiling above the crib. Both of my other children have little red welts all over their bodies from being hit with flying pacifiers.

The other day, it fell my lot to babysit all four of my kids while my wife went to the doctor. As soon as the front door closed behind my wife, I had three dirty diapers to change, two toddlers to put for a nap, and two infants to feed and burp. Now, I'm not complaining about that. I can't complain about that because I know that my wife does that about 50 times a day. What I am complaining about however, is the fact that every 10 minutes or so I would have to stop what I was doing, and go put a pacifier back into a mouth.

Between these trips to the crib and back I was thinking of how much money I could make by designing a system for keeping pacifiers in babies' mouths. I was picturing a sort of "head gear" like they used to have in the old days for kids with really crooked teeth. It would simply strap on the baby's head and hold the pacifier in its mouth with a couple of elastic bands. Then, when it came time for feeding, all you would have to do is to hook a tube and bottle of formula up to it to feed them! When they were done, you could just disconnect the tube and let them suck away on the pacifier.

As I sat down for the 43rd time in my desk chair, another idea popped into my head. I could design a baby bed that was made completely out of pacifiers! That way, if the baby lost one, she could find another one immediately and she wouldn't have to wake up Mommy and Daddy at 2:30 am with her ear-splitting screeches.

When my wife came home from the doctor I had already starting drawing prototypes on my computer. I looked up as she came into my study and I noticed that her mouth was moving. I pulled the pacifiers out of my ears and said, "Huh?" She shot me one of those guilt-riddled looks that said, "I can't believe you would let our babies cry like that," and marched out of the room. I was about to tell her about my great invention ideas, but I decided that it wasn't the time.

Labor Day Weekend

2007-09-05T21:03:00.000-04:00

This Labor Day Weekend proved to be relaxing and enriching for FourUnderFour. After a morning of sleeping in and couching about the house, they decided to go to Grandma and Grandpa Knuth's house for lunch. Since the temperature was 92 degrees, they also decided to take a swim.

Then everyone took off to Brown County State Park for a nice leasurly walk on Trail #6 around Strahl Lake. (Doug and Kassie demostrate the trail number for those who can't read numbers but may be able to count fingers.)

Trail #6 is a 3/4 mile walk on a dirt path with lots of little bridges over streams and marshes (most of which are bone dry because of a very dry summer). There are also lots of good picture-taking vistas as is demostrated in these next few pictures.

Kyle, Kassie, Kayla & twins.

Mommy & Jennae

Everyone (except the photographer, he never gets his picture taken!!)

Jim & Kent (Don't let that innocent smile on the codger fool you, he will prank you every chance he gets.)

Jennae, Kayla & Jordan

Anthony & Kandace

Kassie, Kayla & Kendra

Jordan, Kyle & Kent

Finally! We get to see who this brilliant photographer is!

We also had time for a few silly pictures

Don't worry! She is his sister! (both of them)

Kendra "power-walking"

Hmmmm...Maybe the "WO-" fell off the sign!

Last of all, everyone went to McDonald's for ice cream.

Remember what was said earlier about the old man and pranks?

This picture was taken on the way home by one of the two morons in the picture. They asked to borrow the photographer's camera to "look at the pictures." Then they made unauthorized silly pictures on it. The photographer had already taken his quota of silly pictures for the day so it serves them right that this will be posted on the internet for the whole world to see.

Parting shot...

Family Reunion Review

2007-08-31T21:08:00.000-04:00

Well, FourUnderFour had a really nice time at their family reunion in Bloomfield, Ontario, Canada. While up there, their family was more like Sixty Under Eighty-two.

Here are few web albums and pictures to show you what a great time they had. This first set is in the van on the way to Canada. They stopped for a picnic lunch once they got across the border and Jennae fed the seagulls.

Once they arrived there were lots of activities, such as Crokinole ...

Roasting marshmallows...

And just hanging out.

On Saturday, everyone went boating. Cousin Mike Smith was nice enough to bring his boat for everyone to use but he forgot his keys! His brother Brad had to hot-wire it for him.

They went to the sand dunes on the other side of the bay and "played around" for a little while.

On Sunday morning, they had their own worship service on the lawn. Family members sang specials and Pappy challenged everyone to protect and cherish their Christian heritage.

Mommy and Daddy were also asked to play the keyboard and saxophone. They played "He Giveth More Grace." It was so breezy that they had to have a couple of the uncles hold the music for them.

Notice the tag on Daddy's shirt under his arm. He had just bought that shirt (on a great sale at JCPenny's) and apparently forgot to take the tag off. God has a way of keeping amazing musicians humble...

Later that afternoon, cousin Brad Smith brought a surprise for Jordan. Apparently, he had heard that Jordan really liked fire trucks. Since he works for the South Frontenac County Fire Department, he let Jordan try on his fire helmet and coat.

While Jordan was playing fire chief, Brad's brother, Mike, was holding the twins...

Stay tuned for more family pictures and also some of the shots on the way home.

Family Reunion, eh?

2007-08-23T22:30:00.000-04:00

This afternoon, about 5:00 PM, Charles and Kristen, DeDe, Pappy and Aunt B and all four kids under four left Indianpolis to travel to the Holden family reunion in Bloomfield, Ontario, Canada.

Pappy drove...

while Jordan and Jennae enjoyed their cd players. (Special thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Knuth for allowing the Holdens to use their big van.)

Jordan even shared his music with DeDe!

Aunt B and Mommy just hung out.

After we got to the hotel, Jordan was pretty excited because DeDe and Pappy let him jump on their bed! (Probably because it wasn't really theirs)

Jennae was too tired to jump so she just found a place to make her own little bed for sleeping in.

For Sale By Owner

2007-08-23T15:40:00.004-04:00

5521 Cherry Blossom Court
$148,900
317-783-3851

Take a look at this spacious 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath, 1778 square foot Davis Home in Cherry Tree Estates. This home includes a fireplace in the family room, a 40’X80’ fenced backyard, a comfortable kitchen with breakfast nook, a formal dining room featuring crown molding, a two story entryway/foyer with laminate wood flooring, a cozy office and a two car garage with permanent shelving built in. The master suite features a cathedral ceiling and an attached full bath and walk-in closet. Stove, refrigerator, microwave, dishwasher and garbage disposal are included in the sale. The home is on an enclosed crawl space with a sump pump. The roof was replaced in the fall of 2006.

Entryway/Foyer

Formal Dining Room

Family Room looking into kitchen

Family Room

Master Bathroom with double vanity.

Master Bedroom

Upstairs Hallway/Two story Foyer

Full Bath

Kitchen and Nook

Family Room

Four Excuses

2007-08-19T18:03:00.000-04:00

Freinds of FourUnderFour have been asking, nay, clamoring for more pictures. Let me offer some excuses why we haven't posted more pictures before this time.

Excuse #1: It's really hard to get a picture of a baby when she isn't screaming or scowling or scratching her eyes out.

Excuse #2: Since we have two babies, excuse #2 is the same as excuse #1.

Excuse #3: There are other things to do with twin babies than take pictures and blog. These include (but are not limited to) changing diapers, washing bottles, changing diapers, feeding babies, changing diapers, and checking their eyes for scratches.

Excuse #4: Mommy and Daddy have been awake so much at night that when they close even one eye to take a picture, they simply fall asleep. The respite doesn't last long, however. They are quickly awakened by the babies crying because they are either dirty, hungry, or their eyes hurt.

Anyway, here are some of the latest photos. (Julianne is on the left and Joelle is on the right in all of these.)

More pictures

2007-07-29T13:10:00.000-04:00

Twins

"Updated" Holden family

In the OR

They're Here!!

2007-07-29T05:36:00.000-04:00

Julianne Cheri

Julianne Cheri was born on July 29 at 3:02 am. She weighed 5 lbs. 8 oz. and was 18 3/4 inches long.

Joelle Cassandra

Joelle Cassandra was born on July 29 at 3:31 am. She weighed 5 lbs. 11 oz. and was 18 3/4 inches long.

Just the two of us...

It's Time!

2007-07-28T19:14:00.000-04:00

It started out as just another Saturday morning. Daddy slept later than Mommy, (he can only do that two days out of the week) and then headed off to one of his weekend endeavors. This weekend it was fixing up the parsonage for our new pastor. Daddy didn't get much work done because Mommy called him and told him that she was having some unusual pain and the doctor wanted to see her.

Daddy rushed home as fast as he legally (almost) could. When he got home, he was ready to get going to the hospital, but Mommy said that they had to take a detour to Dairy Queen first.

Caffeine please

She knew that if she was admitted to a Labor and Delivery room, they wouldn't let her eat anything but ice chips and suckers.

At the hospital

After they got to the hospital and the doctor checked her out, he gave them a few options, one of which was for him to induce labor. Of course, Kristen jumped at the chance. They asked her if she wanted to walk to the L&D room and she said yes. She slipped on the high heeled sandals that she had worn to the hospital and walked down the hall to the L&D room. There were lots of comments of how classy she looked in her gown and heels.

Winner of the "Classiest Expectant Mother Award"

Currently, Kristen has been given an epidural and is resting with her ice chips and suckers close at hand. Pictures of the twins will be posted as soon as they arrive.

Resting...and waiting

Waiting, waiting...

2007-07-23T22:39:00.000-04:00

Looks like Mommy swallowed a watermelon seed...

Well, Kristen is now 35 weeks along in her pregnancy and there are still no signs of labor. The official due date (if it was a regular pregnancy) would be August 28. Since it is twins, however, the doctor will not let her go past 38 weeks. If she goes all the way until then, the doctor will induce labor on or around August 14.

The twins' DeDe came up from Florida to help Mommy and Daddy get ready for the babies and assist in whatever way she could after they arrived. So far, she has been a great help with the children they already have but she hasn't had a chance to help with the new babies. Kristen is praying for God's timing but she would also like for DeDe to be here for the birth.

Kristen has a doctor's appointment Tuesday and she will know then how likely it is that the babies will be born soon. DeDe has to leave to go back to Florida on Thursday, but if it looks like the twins are going to be born soon, she can change her flight to a week later.

Meanwhile, Mommy is patiently waiting, Daddy is buying stock in Charmin, and both are trusting God to keep their babies in His hand.

Blazin' Rebels and Screamin' Fireballs

2007-07-02T23:03:00.000-04:00

Sometimes people do things that make absolutely no sense. Take fireworks for instance. Why do people shoot them off while there is still two or three hours of daylight left? People act as if watching their hard earned dollars go up in a "Screamin' Fireball" wasn't enough and they need to do it as quickly as they can before dark so they can forget about the incredibly bad choice they made with their money.

Fireworks originated back in the stone age with men striking rocks together to make fire. One day, someone got the great idea that it would look really neat to have a bunch of sparks all at the same time. He got all of his friends together, gave them all two rocks, positioned them on top of a cliff and the first pyrotechnical show was born. It probably looked like a crude version of what is known today as the "Saturn Missile Battery." Unfortunately, all of the would-be pyrotechnicians burned their fingers and fell off the cliff and died. After many years, another man discovered the magic of fireworks and decided to open a store in Tennessee dedicated to duping ignorant passers-by into buying his wares.

Have you ever wondered what happens to those wholesale fireworks places after the 4th of July? I suppose all of the employees go on a 10 or 11 month vacation and go to get their prosthetic fingers put on.

My dad always said that fireworks were the biggest waste of money. As children, my sister and I did not get the privilege of risking eyeball and fingerskin to set off fireworks that my dad had bought us. Every once in a while, if we were in the grocery store with my mom and we saw sparklers or some of those little white things that snapped when you threw them on the ground, she would buy them for us to enjoy on the fourth.

Thankfully, my Papa who lived in Alabama did not share my dad's sentiments about wasting money. He would buy stacks of fireworks for his grandchildren to set off when they came to visit on the Fourth or Christmas. That's right, fireworks on Christmas. My older cousin, Tony, had his own money to spend and he always bought a bunch too. Anyway, we would show up for fireworks night with our pockets full of sparklers and our fists full of "snappers" and Mama would say, "Hey, everybody, Ya'll come out here on the porch and watch Tony shoot off his 'Blazin Rebel' and 'Killer Bee'." So Tony and his dad would do all their cool fireworks while we popped 'snappers' between our fingers. Usually before the night was over, a bottle rocket fight would break out. I was always too young for this but I remember thinking that it looked like a lot of fun.

One year in particular is seared (literally) in my memory forever. It was a Christmas Eve and everyone in the family, except my dad, had gone all out to buy the most colorful and novel fireworks that could be found in the state of Alabama. We hauled all of the packages out on the porch and started tearing into them. Everyone was having a great time and bottle rockets, Roman candles and sparklers were strewn all over the porch. To this day, no one claims responsibility for the spark. In a matter of seconds, all that was left of our stash of hundreds of dollars of fireworks was a cloud of smoke and a ringing in the ears. As we slowly gained our sense of hearing back, sounds of children sobbing and men roaring with laughter filled the air. It was truly a great show. For years after the incident, MaMa always put a big potted plant on the porch to cover up the big black spot on the indoor/outdoor carpet.

I hope that someday when I have grandchildren I will be able to give them some of the same kinds of memories that I have as a child. I hope I can do it without ruining the porch, though.

Happy Birthday Jennae!

2007-07-02T22:09:00.001-04:00

Jennae's Birthday Party

Today was Jennae's second birthday! We went to Grandma and Grandpa Knuth's house for a cookout and cake.

Jennae's Birthday Presents

After supper, Jennae opened her presents (with a little help from her brother). She got some candy, an entire box of fruit snacks, a couple of books, a tea set, a doll, a puzzle, alphabet blocks, a doctor kit and lots of clothes. (I'm wondering where all these benevolent family members are around my birthday!

Jennae's Birthday Cake

And then, of course, after presents, there was cake and ice cream for everyone!

What's in a Name?

2007-06-13T20:31:00.000-04:00

After many weeks of weighing the options, taking web polls and researching babynamesworld.com, Kristen and I have decided on names for our upcoming twins. Thank you all for participating in the poll. Jilaina scored the highest, with 19 out of 66 votes. This will not be one of the names we use. The nice thing about web polls is that you don't have to implement the results if you don't feel like it! Instead, we chose the second and third placers in the poll. So, our twins names will be Julianne Cheri and Joelle Cassandra.

When are the babies coming?

As we researched these names, I began to surmise that if half of the people in this country knew what their names meant, they would lock themselves in a dark basement and live on a steady diet of pizza and pancakes. (That's the only things that would slide under the door.) As parents, you can seriously injure your child's self-esteem by telling them what their name means at an early age. "Guess what Belinda, sweetie. Your name means 'beautiful serpent'. Isn't that lovely? Now, how about some nice pepperoni pancakes?"

Now, some name meanings are obvious, or at least they should be. Names like Dawn, Brooke and Hunter mean exactly what you would expect them to. Some other names also mean what you would expect them to although you don't realize it at first. For example, Ernest means "serious." No kidding, right? The name Misty means "foggy." The meaning of the name May is "the fifth month of the year." Very profound. One other name that the meaning kind of takes you by surprise is Carol. It means "a Christmas song."

With all the different name meanings out there, people are either not researching them or they don't care if they condemn their child to a life of wondering if they should really try to live up to their name. When you see that beautiful bundle of joy in the nursery, do you really envision him growing up to get a job sitting in a toll booth on the turnpike? You do if you named him Travis [toll collector]. Look at the bright side; you won't have to spend much on a college education. The name Douglas means "plumber." Actually, it means "black water," but I think those terms are pretty much interchangeable. Name your child Mallory [luckless] and he may never get a job. Anyway, I wouldn't name a kid Mallory if it meant "luckiest person on earth."

There are also many names that insinuate some sort of physical condition. Ekadanta is a name with Sanskrit origins meaning "having one tooth." Anyone who names their child this is very short-sighted. What happens when they have two? Cameron means "crooked nose." (The doctor must have dropped him on the hospital floor.) If the doctor drops him too many times, you'll have to change his name to Claude. It will suit him for the rest of his life. It means (I'm not making this up) "disabled."

Some baby names make absolutely no sense at all. For instance, Olivia means "elf army." Also, Alfred means "elf council." There's a reason that some names are not popular any more. One of the oddest name meanings that I came across was Chelsea. It means "chalk landing place." I remember in my high school science lab we had black tables and we had Chelseas all over the place. Who makes this stuff up anyway?

One name that I would never give to a girl would be Andrea. This has nothing to do with the fact that before I met my future wife, I was "acquainted with" two other Andreas. The name Andrea means "man, warrior; manly." Interestingly, my name also means "manly." I'm just glad I'm not married to a warrior.

Perhaps, I shouldn't criticize what other people name their kids. I haven't told you what my two newest ones names will mean. The meaning of Julianne Cheri isn't too bad, but it still kind of makes you scratch your head. It means "[downy, full of grace] and [darling]." On the other hand Joelle Cassandra is a real oxymoron. It means [the Lord is God] and [one who entangles men]! In fifteen years, when you drive by our house and you see the razor wire around the yard, you will know that Joelle is living up to her name.

A Boy's Game

2007-05-27T13:34:00.000-04:00

Guys, for the perfect combination of adrenaline, entertainment and good, clean fun you have to try paintballing. Where else, besides downtown Chicago, can you shoot someone or let them shoot you and not get in trouble? When one of my friends from work invited me to go in the woods behind his parents' house, I couldn't refuse. I was like a little kid as I waited for the new parts for my old "marker" (gun) to arrive. Everyday I would check the mailbox for the package. Finally, they arrived and I repaired my gun with great anticipation of what was to come.

Click here for more pictures!

I could hardly sleep the night before the big day. Promptly at 7:30, I jumped out of bed - even though it was my day to sleep in - and started getting dressed. I dug up an old camouflaged tee shirt that someone had given me and some old sneakers that I had had for ages. Looking just slightly like someone who had been shopping at Goodwill in preparation for deployment to Iraq, I jumped in the car with my buddies who had come to pick me up.

When we arrived and looked over the place we were going to be playing, I could tell that it was going to be a good day. A strip of woods roughly 150 yards deep and 300 yards wide lay behind the pasture at Mark and Matt parents' house. There were lots of trees to hide behind and two hills with a ravine down the middle and a little creek running through it. They called it a creek, but in reality it was more like a mud hole. There was only about an inch of water in it but if you stepped in it you sank in up past your ankles. Actually, all the other younger guys only sank in to their ankles but at 220 pounds I sank in clear to my knees. Most of the other guys playing were younger and had several definite advantages over me.

The basic goal of the game is to shoot the other guy before he shoots you. The beauty of it is that you can still come back in the next game and shoot him back. When you get shot, and the ball breaks and spatters paint all over your new Goodwill clothes, you have to yell, "Hit!" Sometimes the shooter hears the shootee yelling and sometimes he doesn't. Most of the time the shootee ends up yelling "Hit...Hit Ouch HIT, HEY STOP IT. I'M OUT!" You don't have to yell hit if the ball does not break but sometimes it's worth it just to get them to stop shooting at you because it hurts so badly.

We got started and immediately, the advantages of the younger guys became painfully evident. They could run faster, squat for longer periods of time and then get back up and run without looking like a caveman at the Olympics. About the third or fourth game I was moving around a lot less. In one particular game, all of my other team members got eliminated and I was the only one left to defend their honor. I was playing against two other guys, Matt and Jake. Matt was like the John Wayne of paintballing. He wasn't afraid of getting hit and even wore a sleeveless shirt to prove it. As I would find out later, he also had some very unconventional strategies. Jake was a little less aggressive but a threat none the less.

At first, I had Matt and Jake in front of me about 20 yards. When I realized that all my other team member were already sitting up at the picnic tables sipping cold Gatorade I decided to make them proud. I turned around and ran. I stopped behind a nice big tree where I could sprawl out on the ground and catch my breath. I knew I couldn't stay there long because I could here Matt already coming around to flank me. I knew that if he and Jake caught me in a crossfire, I would be dead (figuratively speaking). After about 10 minutes of intense fighting, Matt was slowly making his way around behind me. At this point, all the other guys had finished their Gatorade and were sauntering back into the woods to see the action. Meanwhile, I was crouched down in a pool of sweat wondering why I ever wanted to play this stupid game.

My thoughts were interrupted by a voice off to my left yelling "Now, Jake. Go!" and a crashing in the brush off to my right. I only had one choice. I jumped up and ran again like a caveman triathelete going for the gold. This time, however, I intended to put some distance between myself and "John Wayne." I headed straight across the creek to the safety of the hill beyond. As soon as I started running, Matt started firing at me. As I reached the creek, I misjudged one little teensy step and tumbled headlong across to the other bank. I must have looked like a tornado of legs, arms, sticks, mud and paintball. I jumped up and threw a couple of stray shots over my shoulder and kept running only to slip on an old log and fall again. I was beginning to wonder why Matt had not hit me yet. I supposed he was bent over laughing so hard that he couldn't hold his gun up. I finally made it to a huge beech tree at the top of the hill and I knew that this would be my final stand.

Matt started to move again and I kept firing on him without exposing myself to his line of fire. By now I was gasping for breath and I knew if the paint didn't get me, the oxygen deprivation would. I momentarily forgot about Jake and let my leg get out from behind the tree. In an instant, it was all over. Jake nailed me on my mud-stained pants.

As I lay there, sucking in great gulps of air, the other guys strode up, chortling. "Man, that was so funny!" they laughed.

Matt came walking up the trail, not even winded and looking fresh as a daisy. "I didn't even have any paint in my gun," he mused.

"What?" I gasped, "I was (wheeze) running from a (gasp) empty gun?"

"Yep."

Now the guys were really laughing. What I thought was a crossfire turned out to be nothing more than a crosswind. It's going to take a long time for me to live that one down.

When I got home and showed my wife the twelve or so "wounds" that I had, she said that she just didn't understand why someone would subject themselves to that. I told her that when a little boy is growing up, he wants to pretend he is shooting people. But his mother tells him that he has to only shoot at animals. When he gets older and discovers paintballing, he finally has the opportunity to shoot other people and not really hurt them permanently. I think it just proves that boys never really grow up.

Saving Gas

2007-05-25T12:32:00.000-04:00

I was at the gas station yesterday giving them my weekly “pound of flesh” and there was a man standing there looking distraught. Motorists with distraught looks are not uncommon at gas stations lately but this man was different because he didn’t appear to be driving a vehicle. He asked me if I had a couple of bucks that I could spare. Now, I cannot think of a worse place to ask someone for money these days. I had just spent my last $80 filling up my own gas tank. Secondly, I can’t imagine what someone would do with only $2 at a gas station when one gallon costs almost twice that. I think that he was going to buy a little piece of siphon hose and follow me and my full tank home. He might even get lucky if my neighbors had just bought gas too.

As I made my way home, checking my mirrors for a man on a bicycle clutching a rubber siphon hose, I began to try to think of ways to get the oil companies to lower prices at the pump. There has been a lot of talk about gas boycotts lately, but they don’t work. The theory that if we all don’t buy gas for one whole day it will cause the prices to go down is flawed to begin with. It’s like trying to get the sewer company to lower their rates by not going to the bathroom. It’s just not going to work. Personally, I hope they keep boycotting. It gives me an opportunity to buy gas without waiting in line.

My mind continued to wander and I thought of the Memorial Day coming up. Demand for gasoline is going to be huge. People will be driving to friends’ houses; some will even be driving hundreds of miles to attend the Indianapolis 500…

Suddenly, I had an idea! We could launch a huge campaign to boycott the 91st running of the Indy 500! Think of how much gas we could save. People wouldn’t be driving to and from the race and you wouldn’t have those huge Indy cars drinking up all that precious, high octane commodity. Demand would go down, and so would the prices. Who knows how much cars use between all the qualifying laps and the race itself. Maybe we could convince Americans to boycott Nascar too.

Actually, I’m a little bit prejudiced. Not because I live in Indianapolis, but because I just don’t see the point. I’ve never been to a race. Why would you want to sit in the crowded bleachers, in the hot sun, next to a shirtless, redneck man who had three beers for breakfast and four more for lunch just to watch 33 cars make 800 left turns. Personally, I think that people go to the race just to see a wreck. That has to be the most exciting thing that happens at the track besides Mr. Shirtless eating too many hot dogs and making himself sick.

I was so confident in my idea that I stopped at Home Depot to get some spray paint and some plywood to paint some signs and launch my campaign. As I pulled in my driveway, trying to figure out how to get the governor’s phone number, I saw a Mr. Siphon Hose lurking behind some hedges at the edge of my neighborhood. I think I’ll sleep in the car tonight to protect the investment in my gas tank.

A Continuing Saga

2007-05-17T19:25:00.000-04:00

Our car has been found! Someone reported a suspicious character sleeping in a Ford Expedition in a McDonald's parking lot in Lawrence, Indiana. Turns out the suspicious character has a warrant out for his arrest on felony charges in neighboring Hancock County. An arrest was made. Our car was impounded.

Everyone was so excited because we were going to go and pick up our good ole' friend at the impound yard. We were going to relive the memories and continue to make more. But alas, sadness reigns in the Holden household tonight. A few hours ago the skies were sunny and everyone was joyful. As we pulled into the impound yard the clouds of doubt began to roll in. When we opened our beloved car it was completely overcast. By the time we started the car, it was pouring and all of us were feeling depressed again.

Whoever drove our car really tore it up. It runs very rough and the engine sounds like it is missing a cylinder. When you put it into D or R it doesn't go anywhere. That's about as far as my knowledge of engines takes me - it won't go. Oh, and there's no transmission fluid in it. The thieves were probably drinking it. I hope it gives them an ulcer.

I wouldn't be so upset if the engine and the transmission were all that were wrong with the car. However, all of our personal items (CDs, Bibles, Ford owners manuals, etc.) were missing. Jordan is still devastated about his "Sam CD" Actually, our nice CDs had been replaced with some that had labels on them that are not worth repeating. There was a cigarette butt in the ashtray and dirt and grease all over the handles and steering wheel. There are limits to what Clorox Wipes and Lysol can do to make you feel better. Interestingly, the license plate was also missing and had been replaced with a temporary tag that was to expire May 30, 2007.

Anyway, we paid the bill to tow the car from the McDonald's parking lot where it was found to the impound yard. Then we paid the towing company again to tow the car to our mechanic. He will take a look at it tomorrow and tell us what the damage is.

We are noticing a trend in our neighborhood. The neighbor across the street has a basketball hoop in his driveway and on 98% of the days that are above 38 degrees we will see at least three kids out there playing basketball. It has been in the 60s and 70s all week. Perfect weather for basketball, right? And yet, we haven't seen any of the neighborhood kids in our cul-du-sac. Could it be that they know something about our stolen vehicle and are afraid that we are going to question them?

We will be able to view a full police report in a few days. Stay tuned.

Where is our CAR?!

2007-05-13T10:48:00.000-04:00

Click here for more pictures!

We had a nice Sunday morning surprise today. Kristen looked out the window about 8:20 and said, "Charles, where is our car?"

I thought it was a trick question. I answered, "Um, in the driveway."

Well, the car wasn't in the driveway, but most of the stuff out of it was. We slowly came to the awful realization that somebody not only had stolen our car but they had also thought our stuff was so worthless that they had gone to the trouble to throw it out on the lawn. Both of the kids' car seats, the removable seat out of the back, a bag of mulch and other miscellaneous stuff was lying in the grass. They even left a $200 trailer hitch! In the pictures you will notice that right next to all the stuff is a trailer. This trailer was unlocked and had about $2000 dollars worth of tools in it. They were untouched. The car was insured, the tools were not. So, we are counting our blessings.

It occurred to me that these were really stupid criminals (aren't they all). First of all, gas prices in Indiana are about $3.20/gal. and our vehicle gets about 12 miles to the gallon. Also, we only had about a quarter of a tank left. The few dollars in change left in the glove compartment isn't going to get them very far. They will probably drive it for about an hour, realize how fast the car is using fuel and ditch it. Maybe they are smarter than I thought. Secondly, the tag on our vehicle will expire in a couple of weeks. Also, we have two policemen that live on our street. One directly across from us and one about 3 doors down.

The police showed up and filed a report. They also thought it was sort of odd for a thief to clean something out before he stole it. So if you see a white 2000 Eddie Bauer Ford Expedition driving around the country call your local police. We would really like to have our car back so we can go to church next Sunday. (Jordan thought we should take an airplane to church this morning.)

Breakfast in Bed!

2007-05-13T10:27:00.000-04:00

Click here to see more pictures!

Mommy got breakfast in bed this morning! Jordan and Daddy got up early and Jordan made a card while Daddy made breakfast (a rather simple collage of breakfast foods). Mommy, who feels bigger every day, asked Jordan what he had drawn on the card. "A whale," he said matter-of-factly.

"Who told you to draw a whale?" asked Mommy glaring at Daddy.

"No me!" Daddy just barely convinced Mommy that she really didn't look like a whale and that Jordan didn't really know what he was talking about.

Anyway, Mommy only got to eat about half of her breakfast in bed because she had a couple of helpers! (see web album above)

"Who can find a virtuous woman?"

2007-05-11T05:52:00.000-04:00

"She...worketh willingly with her hands." Prov. 31:13

I know it's a little early to be wishing Happy Mothers Day to people but what I have to say doesn't specifically refer to my mother, but the mother of my children. I think that I am married to one of the most wonderful examples of a Proverbs 31 woman.

Did you know that the Bible talks about women shopping? Proverbs 31:13-14 says that "she seeketh wool and flax." and "she bringeth her food from afar." Seeking wool and flax sounds like shopping at JCPenny's to me! This is one of my wife's strong points. She loves to shop! In fact, I think most women are better at this than the average man. And, to most men, this is a rather suitable arrangement. Now, shopping for groceries isn't quite as much fun, but verse 15 says that even while it is still night she gives meat to her household. I remind my wife of this verse when I get in bed and decide that I need a midnight snack. That usually doesn't work. But I am thankful for my wife's diligence in bringing food and clothing into the home for my family.

Proverbs 31 also talks about a woman's exercise program. Verse 17 says, "She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms." People make fun of me when I tell them that I got my wife a treadmill for Valentine's Day. She thought it was the best gift I had ever given her except for the dishwasher I gave her for her birthday. She loves to walk and stay in shape and I appreciate that. Men have big egos and it makes them feel good to be married to a beautiful woman. I also have a big ego and I appreciate it when my wife takes care of her health.

Another quality that I observe in my wife that I find in Proverbs 31 is her provision for her family in cold weather. Verse 21 says that she is not afraid of the snow because she dresses her family in scarlet. If it were up to me, my children would probably freeze to death. I don't wear a coat much in the wintertime because I don't like the bulkiness of it. However, I can count on my wife to always plan ahead before the Midwest winter rolls in and she makes sure that our children are dressed appropriately.

Proverbs 31:26 says that the virtuous woman's tongue is the law of kindness. My wife possesses a kind spirit that most people envy. She's very meek and never is haughty or unkind.

Actually, my wife possesses all of the characteristics of a virtuous woman in listed Provers 31. I have just expounded on a few here. Incidentally, it falls my lot to fulfil one of the characteristics. Verse 28 says, "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." The children are too young to even know what "blessed" means but I'm pretty sure in 15 years or so they will be grateful to their mother for being a perfect example of a Proverbs 31 woman.

A Sunday Morning Testimony

2007-05-06T13:30:00.000-04:00

Jordan and Daddy Mowing

I woke up early this morning trying to count all the blessings that I take for granted and I thought of these pictures we took yesterday. They are of Jordan helping me mow the lawn. I think these pictures illustrate the many things that we have to be thankful for. All of our family has good health. God has blessed us with two wonderful children. We anticipate God blessing us with two more wonderful children in the near future. My good health allows me to have a good job that pays all the bills. We have a nice house to live in because I have a good job. I have a wonderful wife that takes care of my children while I am at work. I am also thankful that I am a Christian and all these things are results of nothing that I have done, but are blessings from the Father. He gives me the hope of eternal life and a song in my heart!

The results are in!

2007-05-06T13:21:00.000-04:00

The question: Should Martha Going be made the new fan club president (FCP) of this weblog?

The responses out of 23 votes cast from April 29 to May 5, 2007:

Response #1; "Yes Martha G. would make a good FCP," received 9 votes (39%).

Response #2; "No, women have no business being presidents of anything," received 10 votes (43%).

Response #3; "Why does a weblog need a FCP?" received 4 votes (17%).

Thank you all for your input! More minipolls coming soon!

I'll have the nine month roller coaster...and make it a double!

2007-05-02T18:45:00.000-04:00

One glance at my wife and you should be able to tell that she is pregnant with twins. This adds a whole new dimension to the mommy and daddy thing. There are all kinds of things I expect to learn in the next year or so. As with any pregnancy, a woman needs special attention because she is more emotional. With this pregnancy, since everything else is doubled, I expect her emotional instability to be doubled too. That’s why I’ve developed my Hug-A-Day program. It makes perfect sense. I hug her everyday to keep her happy, and it also makes me happy.

I’m really looking forward to what these additions will mean for our family. Having multiples means that there will be multiplied fun, multiplied joy, and multiplied odor. I may be wrong on this but I think that two babies means not one, but two dirty diapers every half hour or so. It also means that my wife will be twice as big as she was with her other pregnancies. I figure in four months she will be about the size of a minivan. I don’t mind, however, because I know that she will lose it all at once in the maternity ward.

One of the effects of her excessive weight gain is my excessive weight loss. Since she is “eating for three” now, there is a lot less food left for me. When the two of us go out to eat, we divide all the food into four portions and she get three of them. For men, pregnancy means sharing some of the stuff that used to be theirs. One-third of the bed used to be mine too, but now she needs “room for three” and my portion has been cut to about one-eighth.

I hope that our twins will learn to share too. We are going to start teaching them early. I figure we can save a lot of money this way. Most people buy matching clothes for twins but we are going to do it differently. For example, instead of buying matching socks, we are going to buy one pair that is one size too big. Then, we will cut the toes out of both socks. That way, if we lay the twins end to end, they can both put their feet in the same socks! I’m sure I can figure out a way to make this system work for pajamas, diapers, and crib caps too.

One of my worst fears with twins is not being able to tell our newborns apart. The doctor can tell them apart on the ultrasound because they can’t switch sides in the womb. They have already determined that Baby A is on the right and Baby B is on the left. I am determined to keep it this way; at least until they can learn their names and tell me when I ask them. So, on the big day I am going to be prepared. I will be standing in the delivery room with a Sharpie marker. When the first one is born, I’ll put an A on her forehead. From then on, we will always put her on the right – problem solved! We may even name them with names beginning with “R” and “L” for clarity sake.

As far as I’m concerned, having twins is going to be a lot of fun. And with my Hug-A-Day Program, the remainder of the pregnancy should be fun too. I’m sure I’ll be faced with new challenges every day, especially as we get closer to the due date. There’s just one little detail that I haven’t quite worked out yet. Do you know how hard it is to hug a minivan?

Purses I Have Known

2007-04-25T22:43:00.000-04:00

I was sitting in my home office the other day, minding my own business and she hit me with it. “Honey, would you look in my purse and bring me that coupon for Shout wipes?” I immediately went into defense mode. Every time my wife asks me to look for something in her purse, I end up on the floor, in a fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably. Since I’m a loving husband and marriage is defined as two people giving 100%, I decided to give it a try.

“I can’t find it,” I yelled.

“It’s in the side pocket,” she called back.

As I peered down into the dark abyss that she calls “the red Gucci,” I wondered if whoever made up the 100% marriage rule had any experience with purses and pockets.

“I hate digging around in purses,” I mumbled under my breath. I scratched my head trying to remember what had developed such a loathing for handbags. I was swept back to a time when I was very young and the highlight of my day was talking my mom into giving me a breath mint from her purse.

Mom had a huge purse. She carried everything from q-tips and dental floss to shoe polish and miniature sewing kits. Anyway, on this particular day, Mom’s purse had been getting quite unorganized so she told me that I could have all the tic-tacs and breath mints that I could find in the bottom of her purse if I fished them out for her. I was ecstatic. Never in my young life had I been offered such an opportunity for so much gain with so little effort.

The job turned out to be more effort than I had thought. As I’ve already mentioned, my mom had a huge purse and this particular one had nicknamed “the beach bag” by my sister and I. As I stumbled through the dark recesses of the purse around nail files, Kleenex and sunglasses I began to think that maybe mom was taking advantage of my boyish innocence.

After an hour of searching, I was grinning from ear to ear clutching a handful of tic-tacs, lifesavers and various brands of gum. Very soon my suspicions of matriarchal deviousness were verified. As I began to eat the breath mints, I realized that they tasted more like Jergens than spearmint. Apparently, the same catastrophic incident that had scattered the mints had also punctured a hole in one of my mom’s many lotion bottles. I was devastated and the whole ordeal left me with a very cynical view of purses.

Now, seventeen years later, I’m a grown man and not given to childish fancies such as eating tic-tacs like M&Ms. But I still think the purse is the number one leading cause of insanity in men. Men like to have things in their own compartments, like a tool chest; wrenches in one drawer, screwdrivers in another. They don’t like digging around for something especially if it smells pretty. Women, on the other hand, like to be able to have everything in one place. If they stick their hand in to find, say, hairspray, they may come across their lip gloss and remember that they need some of that too.

Most of the time, I think it would be faster for me to just run to the store to get what I need rather than to find it in a purse. I think most men feel this way. Even women waste a lot of time digging in their own purses. I’ve seen some women pawing around in their purse like it’s an extension of their nervous system with a bad case of poison ivy. Just the other day I was driving around town and I saw this woman standing on a street corner with a Rosie O’Donnell-sized handbag. Whatever it was she was looking for must have been in one of those elusive side pockets because she couldn’t find it and she missed three “walk” signals in her distraction.

When I was little, I was taught, that boys should never look in a women’s purse. Now that I’m married with children, I think that neither boys nor men should look in a woman’s purse. It’s just too dangerous.

“Here,” I said, bringing my wife the whole purse, “I couldn’t find it. I’ll just run down to the drugstore and…”

“Did you look in the side pocket?”

“Yes,” I said wondering how many side pockets are physically possible to sew into the inside of a purse.

“Well, right here it is," she said exasperated, "In the outside pocket just like I told you.”

I tried to explain but it’s hard to communicate when you are sobbing uncontrollably.

New Pictures 4/23/07

2007-04-23T21:34:00.000-04:00

Scroll down to the bottom of the page for some new pictures!

Indiana Wesleyan Master's Degree

2007-04-23T20:47:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of Mr. Chuck Roome and myself. He is the facilitator of my first class in my MBA program at Indiana Wesleyan. Most of the classes last six to eight weeks and I only have one week left for this current class. I go every Tuesday night for 4 hours. The whole program will last about 2.5 years. After I complete the program, I will receive a Master of Business Administration with a concentration in Accounting.

Mr. Roome is one of only a few full-time facilitators in the IWU LEAP program. However, there are over 1400 adjunct facilitators. Now, when I was in college we didn't have facilitators. Apparently, they are just about the same as professors, only better. We will have many different facilitators over the course of the program. We probably won't see Mr. Roome again until graduation.

It is very refreshing to take classes from an institution that believes that business can be viewed in a biblical perspective. We have prayer in class and Mr. Roome uses examples from the Bible to teach business principles. God's allowing me to participate in this program is an answer to prayer and I thank Him for the opportunity. I want to use the skills I learn to glorify Him.

An Alternative View of Natural Products

2007-04-18T09:58:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered what the difference between natural and artificial foods is? When you go into the grocery store and see “100% natural,” what do you envision in your mind? Do you see a half-naked, dark-skinned native picking fruit from a tree and placing it in a crude wooden crate? Or do you see rows and rows of stainless steel machines packaging tons of fruit that have been picked by completely naked robots? I think that the word natural has had its meaning compromised because it has been overused for marketing.

There are other products besides foods that claim to be all natural. Even acne creams for example, claim to have “natural ingredients.” Perfumes, household cleaners and stop smoking aids complete the list of “natural products.” Recently, in a midwest city where natural products are making a big impact, a billboard advertised a seminar to learn how to "beat menopause...naturally." First of all, do you really want to try to "beat" menopause? Secondly, if you do try to "beat" it, would you want to do it any other way than naturally?

Good for you?

So what does that label mean that says “all natural?” It certainly doesn’t mean it’s good for you. For instance, would you eat a death angel mushroom (Amanita virosa)? Of course not, but it is natural by all definitions of the word. Most people wouldn’t use the all natural, poison ivy (scratchimus foreveri) skin care products either.

The facts

The American Heritage dictionary defines “natural” as “present in or produced by nature; not produced or changed artificially.” When we look up the definition for artificial, we find a discrepancy. One of the definitions for “artificial” is “made by humans.” But, since humans are a part of nature, by the first definition of natural, anything they produce is natural. So are natural products produced by humans or not? Truthfully, humans cannot make anything. They can change, process, or construct things, but they cannot create.

Let’s break it down a little further. One other definition (in the same dictionary) for “natural” is “not altered, treated, or disguised.” Is an orange altered when it is picked off of the tree? Is it treated when the dirt is cleaned off of it? Is it disguised when it is cleaned and put in a crate? Of course, all of these are true. Food and product manufacturers know what people want to hear.

A slave to marketing

“All natural” sounds good. However, as we have seen here, in the rawest sense of the word, everything is natural because everything we see naturally occurs in the physical world even though it may have been produced (not created) by humans, who are also natural! We have also noticed that just because it is natural doesn’t mean it’s good for you. If you really want something good for you, try buying food with “organic” on the label. Then you will no longer be a slave to marketing, you will just be a health nut!

Imus this, Imus that, Imus be goin' crazy!

2007-04-16T15:38:00.000-04:00

It seems like everyone has been talking about the Don Imus controversy lately. I think that the media just likes to draw things like this out so that it gets more attention. I haven't stated my opinion on the subject yet but I'm going to weigh in on it once and then be done with it. I hope the media is just about done with it too.

You don't have to listen!

First of all, I think that all Americans should have freedom of speech to say whatever they want, whenever they want, where ever they want. That is what our constitution mandates. I do not think that there should be any restrictions on this.

No one is forcing you to listen to something that offends you. You cannot go through life and not offend someone at some time. I used to listen to the Neal Boortz Show. After a while, I got so sick of his agnostic, evolutionistic agenda that I turned him off and I never listened to his show again! So what do you do when someone says something that you find offensive? Don't listen anymore!

Offensive to whom?

Secondly, I agree that what Don Imus said on his radio show could offend someone. I'm not advocating that kind of language. However, Imus was stating something that he believed to be true. The reason that other poeple can point their finger in his face and tell him he is wrong is because they don't beleive anything is true. Truth to them is relevant. They have no fear of ever having to stand up against the mainstream because they are the mainstream. When the mainstream changes dirctions, they change direction too. They let society be their moral compass. It easy to jump on with the crowd and condemn those who offend the crowd.

The big picture

I think that this is a big part of Satan's plan for mankind. He wants us to be directed by anything but the Bible. And so, over the centuries, he has developed an enormous sense of self-worth in individuals. Naturally, whenever someone encroaches on that self-worth, we as humans feel offended. The acceptable laws of society have made it so that you cannot devalue someone else's self-worth. The Bible teaches that we are nothing without Christ. In today's culture, we are not letting the laws of God guide our actions but the laws of man. The problem with this is that man's laws change. God's laws never change. They are timeless.

Protect free speech for everyone

I'm not going to say that Imus overstepped the boundary of free speech because someday I may say something that offends the majority of people who hear me. I do think that what he said was not kind. Again, I have a moral compass that is not based on man's ideas. I advocate protecting free speech for those who want to use derogatory terms to refer to black women and for those who want to confess Jesus Christ as Lord.

Here's the bottom line...

Let God's Word guide you in not only what you listen to but also what you say.

Weekend to Remember

2007-04-16T15:24:00.000-04:00

This past weekend Kristen and I attended a Weekend to Remember seminar in Merrillville, IN. It is sponsored by Family Life Ministries. The seminar included sessions on devloping oneness in your marriage and even a date night!

My parents were brave enough to come stay at our house and guard the neighborhood from our children. We had a great time without them! It was nice just to have some time alone without worrying about things like the coffemaker being out of reach for a three-year-old.

For our date night we had supper at the Heston Supper Club. Great food, nice atmosphere, long wait for food...but that was okay because we didn't have any hoodlums with us who need a semi truck load of crackers and crayons to keep them occupied for 45 minutes or so.

Two!?

2007-04-12T23:15:00.000-04:00

Big News!

Kristen went for her 20 week checkup and ultrasound Tuesday and we found not one, but two babies in her tummy! So we are preparing for twin girls sometime at the end of August. We are thankful for God's blessing in our lives and we are looking forward to raising two more girls to serve Him. We have talked about how much fun it would be to have twins for a while. Kristen has known from the beginning that this pregnancy was different from the others and she had an inkling that it was twins. The doctor kept telling her that she was a perfectly normal size and that he didn't think it was anything more than a normal pregnancy. The ultrasound technician said that they don't even consider twins an option if the couple is not taking fertility drugs. Anyway, Mommy and Daddy are both very excited and thankful for God's blessing.

How about you?
Why do you think the medical field doesn't recognize the possibility of multiples unless there are fertility drugs involved?

Got any ideas?
We still haven't come up with names for the twins. We would love to hear your input! We need two girl names that start with "J". Our other two children are named Jordan (boy) and Jennae (girl) so those names probably wouldn't work.